N. is almost 17 months old, and he's almost always a barrel of fun. He hasn't changed dramatically since I last posted, still likes throwing balls, reading books, loves playing in the park, enjoys going on walks. He's been going to the park a lot recently as it's gotten warmer, and really enjoys exploring things there. Likes to point out birds, dogs, and planes. He recently figured out how to climb onto the couch and two of the chairs, and he practices going up stairs whenever he gets the chance (obviously sometimes it's not safe/practical). I can't tell if he's doing more crying to achieve results or show he's unhappy, or just that we now know that he's pretty aware of what he's doing, so I think that he's using his crying to get what he wants-not that he's necessarily sad or in pain.
I wanted to write about how having a child has made me more sensitive to certain things. I'm sure that this has been said a million times, but I notice that I am much more emotional/tuned-in when I hear a story (usually on the radio or in a podcast) about the parent-child relationship. Sometimes these will be about losing a child, or a child going through a sickness or something like that. Before N. was born I certainly recognized the emotional pull of reports, stories like this, but I really feel it now.
This is likely normal and completely to be expected, I've just noticed a few times recently, and sometimes it even surprises me how much I'll react to certain reports or stories. I also know that I've certainly become more aware of the innocence and resulting need to protect young children. It's not that I didn't feel this way before, but I feel it more strongly and more intensely now.
Something which I didn't think about as much before, but more now as well, is that in many ways, supporting young children means supporting their parents. Supporting the parents is something that is (for some reason) unpopular among some in our society, among some politicians, but it is crystal clear to me that supporting and caring for young children means supporting the parents. It's too bad we don't do more to support parents of children from birth to kindergarten, and we're worse off as a country for not doing so.
Another thing I've been thinking about is how much more I appreciate all that my parents have done for me. I ought to tell them that more often. Part of me thinks that one of the reasons that an adult's parents are eager for grandchildren is so that their child/children will see the amount of work and sacrifice it takes to raise a child. I know that getting to see your family extended to another generation, getting to interact with a beautiful little baby but not have to change too many diapers or deal with the tantrums are some much grander motivations, but a part of me already knows that N. may never understand the feelings that Livia and I have for him until/if he ever has a child of his own.
Wednesday, May 2, 2018
Thursday, April 12, 2018
Fatherhood, part 9
N is over 16 months and learning and developing wonderfully! He is completely obsessed with balls, but also enjoys stacking blocks, the big ones and the small ones. He really enjoys going to the park, which we've been doing much more often now that spring weather is mostly here. He is understanding more and more of what we say and he's making new sounds pretty consistently, and stringing more and more sounds together at times.
Ball, bird, and airplane are his most common words, and things he always points out. He says "si" in Spanish, not always appropriately, but no doubt he'll figure it out soon. He's getting much better at not crying for very long, if at all, after he falls. He can identify eye, nose, mouth, and ears in Spanish and English, and very much enjoys poking our faces endlessly, so long and we announce each part as he pokes it. He's a pretty cheery and happy guy in general, obviously has his moods, and gets pretty ornery and demanding if nap time gets pushed back or we keep him up too long after his normal bed time (20:00/20:15). He is definitely developing his independence though, and certainly enjoys walking away from us when he can, although he'll usually stop and look back to see if we're paying attention. Although sometimes he will just go off and explore.
Sometimes he's a great eater, and almost all the food goes into his mouth and he doesn't misbehave at all. Other times he refuses it and sometimes it gets thrown on the floor. He really enjoys cheese, bananas, pears, pasta, sweet potatoes, kiwi, and avocado. Livia continues to do an astounding, marvelous job of feeding him a variety of healthy foods. She puts more effort into giving him a good diet than I would, much more effort. Not that I wouldn't try to give him healthy food; it's just that Livia really likes cooking and trying new things, and she has so much love and concern for N's health, that she whips up amazing things almost every day for him. We have recently stopped heating his milk up every time he has it, still occasionally. He still likes it, but just drinks it much, much more slowly.
The books of the last few weeks have been The Little Blue Truck Leads the Way, Very Hungry Caterpillar, Chicka Chicka ABC, One, Two, Three (Boynton), this big picture book of 100 words, and Hand, Hand, Fingers, Thumb. There are plenty of others I've read him, but those seem to be the recent favorites, although he certainly changes his favorites, those have been the most frequent ones of late.
I should write more, but if I put off posting this, it probably won't get done for a while. N is such a joy to have, tonight before I put him to bed I was just holding him, as he looked at the map on his wall, getting excited about the birds, the plane, the soccer ball, and other things. He's just so beautiful, it's so exciting and emotional to watch him grow and learn. I've said it again and again, but it's a feeling I've never had before. I'm sure it's a mix of nostalgia, pride, hope, anticipation, selfishness, and so many other things, some good, some not so good, all mixed up, but it really is something different. He's just so darn adorable, innocent, cute.
Ball, bird, and airplane are his most common words, and things he always points out. He says "si" in Spanish, not always appropriately, but no doubt he'll figure it out soon. He's getting much better at not crying for very long, if at all, after he falls. He can identify eye, nose, mouth, and ears in Spanish and English, and very much enjoys poking our faces endlessly, so long and we announce each part as he pokes it. He's a pretty cheery and happy guy in general, obviously has his moods, and gets pretty ornery and demanding if nap time gets pushed back or we keep him up too long after his normal bed time (20:00/20:15). He is definitely developing his independence though, and certainly enjoys walking away from us when he can, although he'll usually stop and look back to see if we're paying attention. Although sometimes he will just go off and explore.
Sometimes he's a great eater, and almost all the food goes into his mouth and he doesn't misbehave at all. Other times he refuses it and sometimes it gets thrown on the floor. He really enjoys cheese, bananas, pears, pasta, sweet potatoes, kiwi, and avocado. Livia continues to do an astounding, marvelous job of feeding him a variety of healthy foods. She puts more effort into giving him a good diet than I would, much more effort. Not that I wouldn't try to give him healthy food; it's just that Livia really likes cooking and trying new things, and she has so much love and concern for N's health, that she whips up amazing things almost every day for him. We have recently stopped heating his milk up every time he has it, still occasionally. He still likes it, but just drinks it much, much more slowly.
The books of the last few weeks have been The Little Blue Truck Leads the Way, Very Hungry Caterpillar, Chicka Chicka ABC, One, Two, Three (Boynton), this big picture book of 100 words, and Hand, Hand, Fingers, Thumb. There are plenty of others I've read him, but those seem to be the recent favorites, although he certainly changes his favorites, those have been the most frequent ones of late.
I should write more, but if I put off posting this, it probably won't get done for a while. N is such a joy to have, tonight before I put him to bed I was just holding him, as he looked at the map on his wall, getting excited about the birds, the plane, the soccer ball, and other things. He's just so beautiful, it's so exciting and emotional to watch him grow and learn. I've said it again and again, but it's a feeling I've never had before. I'm sure it's a mix of nostalgia, pride, hope, anticipation, selfishness, and so many other things, some good, some not so good, all mixed up, but it really is something different. He's just so darn adorable, innocent, cute.
Thursday, February 15, 2018
Fatherhood, part 8
Recently I was talking to some friends, who are also new parents, their son was born three months after N. As I was sharing some of the things that N. likes to do, skills he's developing, my friend Hannah recommended that I write them down. So, I'm going to do that. Livia and I have not been great about keeping written records of everything N. does as he develops. She does take a lot of pictures and videos, which I really appreciate, and we do talk a lot on whatsapp about what he's doing and what's happened in his life (which is all archived) so we definitely have lots of records. Maybe we should've bought and filled out a baby book, but, well, it didn't happen. Livia did make an amazing faux-chalk board poster for his first birthday with many of his favorite things on it, which was super fun and cute.
N. is 14 months old and half way to his 15th month. His personality has really been developing recently, and while he certainly isn't talking or even close, we can have much more significant interactions. He is understanding lots of things, which is super fun to see. When we tell him it's time to eat, he walks over to his high chair, when I tell him it's time to change his diaper, he walks with me to his room, Livia has taught him to touch his mouth when she asks where it is, he makes a "mmm" sound when we ask him what sound a cow makes, and he's very good about bringing things to us if we point and ask him to. He's also recently started putting lint or other things he finds on the carpet into the trash can, and just the other day grabbed a onesie that I didn't quite throw into the laundry basket and put it in the laundry basket.
Over the past month or so, he has completely changed his attitude towards books. For a long time, he would almost escape when I would read to him, at best he'd pay attention for a page or two and then would crawl away. But recently, he has started to love books. The first books he was really into were Baby Faces and Ten Little Fingers and Ten Little Toes. He still likes them, but he's moved on to other books as well. He's continued to like Moo, Baa, La La La, which was always one he seemed to like. Recently he's been really enjoying Where is Baby's Belly Button and Mr. Brown Can Moo, Can You?. We'll play when I get home from work, and two, three, four months ago, I would chase him around, tickle him, play hide and go seek, and that would keep him entertained. Now, he'll go and grab a book, bring it to me, make his whining sound, and if I don't sit down to read quickly enough, he'll start poking me with it. He also likes to repeat books, and if I ask to read it again, he'll make a sound that sure sounds a lot like "again." He has no problem reading the same book three, four, five times in a row. It's awesome, because I hope he'll become a great reader, and it's fun to share so many books with him and see him engaged and knowing that his little brain is moving a million miles a minute to try and learn everything.
He also loves balls, enjoys throwing them, rolling them, and playing fetch. He can amuse himself for some time just pouring his balls out of one basket into another, then into another block and back to the original basket. He's developed a pretty good throw, which has come back to bite us-in that he also throws blocks and other toys, that probably don't need to go flying around the apartment, but we'll let him have some fun.
The last thing I'll mention is that he loves being ambulatory. He is quite the proficient walker these days, and loves exploring. The other day at Trader Joe's he was doing circles around one of the smaller isles, as he had been fussing a bunch, so I got him down. Livia kept on shopping and I just followed N. around as he wandered through the aisle. We had the same experience the other day at another store, he seemed to always want to go the opposite way that Livia and I were trying to go. He is a bit shy and clingy when he first is in a new place, but soon after, he's walking around wherever he can, exploring his world!
N. is 14 months old and half way to his 15th month. His personality has really been developing recently, and while he certainly isn't talking or even close, we can have much more significant interactions. He is understanding lots of things, which is super fun to see. When we tell him it's time to eat, he walks over to his high chair, when I tell him it's time to change his diaper, he walks with me to his room, Livia has taught him to touch his mouth when she asks where it is, he makes a "mmm" sound when we ask him what sound a cow makes, and he's very good about bringing things to us if we point and ask him to. He's also recently started putting lint or other things he finds on the carpet into the trash can, and just the other day grabbed a onesie that I didn't quite throw into the laundry basket and put it in the laundry basket.
Over the past month or so, he has completely changed his attitude towards books. For a long time, he would almost escape when I would read to him, at best he'd pay attention for a page or two and then would crawl away. But recently, he has started to love books. The first books he was really into were Baby Faces and Ten Little Fingers and Ten Little Toes. He still likes them, but he's moved on to other books as well. He's continued to like Moo, Baa, La La La, which was always one he seemed to like. Recently he's been really enjoying Where is Baby's Belly Button and Mr. Brown Can Moo, Can You?. We'll play when I get home from work, and two, three, four months ago, I would chase him around, tickle him, play hide and go seek, and that would keep him entertained. Now, he'll go and grab a book, bring it to me, make his whining sound, and if I don't sit down to read quickly enough, he'll start poking me with it. He also likes to repeat books, and if I ask to read it again, he'll make a sound that sure sounds a lot like "again." He has no problem reading the same book three, four, five times in a row. It's awesome, because I hope he'll become a great reader, and it's fun to share so many books with him and see him engaged and knowing that his little brain is moving a million miles a minute to try and learn everything.
He also loves balls, enjoys throwing them, rolling them, and playing fetch. He can amuse himself for some time just pouring his balls out of one basket into another, then into another block and back to the original basket. He's developed a pretty good throw, which has come back to bite us-in that he also throws blocks and other toys, that probably don't need to go flying around the apartment, but we'll let him have some fun.
The last thing I'll mention is that he loves being ambulatory. He is quite the proficient walker these days, and loves exploring. The other day at Trader Joe's he was doing circles around one of the smaller isles, as he had been fussing a bunch, so I got him down. Livia kept on shopping and I just followed N. around as he wandered through the aisle. We had the same experience the other day at another store, he seemed to always want to go the opposite way that Livia and I were trying to go. He is a bit shy and clingy when he first is in a new place, but soon after, he's walking around wherever he can, exploring his world!
Sunday, January 14, 2018
Fatherhood, part 7
I haven't posted in forever. No big excuses, but we have been busy, at times. Since the last time I have posted we have moved out of my parents' house, N. has grown four teeth, turned a year old, and started walking. I've started a new job, we received the shipment of all our stuff from Guayaquil, and with that, we've moved into an apartment in Arlington, VA. Livia and I celebrated a year of marriage.
Needless to say, much has happened in N.'s life, and in mine. He took a trip down to Guayaquil with Livia, and got to spend some quality time with his family there. He went to St. Louis with us for a wedding, and took a road trip to Indianapolis for Thanksgiving at my sister and brother-in-law's place. I wish that I would've blogged in the past eight months, because things happen fast. Well, they don't seem so fast when they happen, but now looking back it's like, whoa things have been happening fast.
One thing that is for sure, kids are definitely a big negative for the 'happy hour' industry. I'm in a different situation than when I last lived in the DC area, now married and a father. When I lived here before I was constantly hitting up happy hours, going to movies, some plays, joined a running club, and was always looking to fill my nights. Now, even if there are things going on, I tend to still look to fill my nights with playing with N. We have been able to get together, or host some of my friends from when I lived here before, so that's been very nice.
We've also tried to get out and see things around town, visiting lots of museums, and making frequent trips to the National Mall. That's been harder the past two months, as I don't like cold weather and Livia abhors it.
As I mentioned before, looking back, so many things have happened over the past eight months in N's life. On Christmas, or the day after, Livia and I looked through all the photos and videos we've taken of N over the past year, and wow, he has changed so much.
Thinking through all of his changes, a few things stand out. One is meal time, which has gone from him throwing almost everything on the floor and playing with his food to a very orderly experience (usually). He has a voracious appetite and over the past month or so has gotten great at putting almost all the food in his mouth. We have a sheet that we put underneath his high chair, and we used to have to shake and dump it every meal, and now we'll go days without picking it up. He has also gotten better about eating broccoli and toast, which early on the things that he wouldn't eat at all, and would throw every piece on the floor. He's a pro with his sippy cup and when he gets his little cup of Cheerios for a snack, he leaves just crumbs in the cup.
Honestly, I don't remember what stage of movement he was in back in May when I last posted, but he is now walking about like a champion. He seemed to have moved through the stages of walking incredibly quickly. He now can walk for 20, 30 or maybe more steps without falling, and can bend over, pick things up all while standing.
He's more vocal every day, and definitely understands things we say. He uses all sorts of different sounds to indicate different things. It has been wondrous to watch him grow and learn.
I wish I would've written more, and will try to do it more often, because wow is he changing quickly.
Thursday, May 11, 2017
Fatherhood, part 6
N. turned five months old last week and he has really been coming along quite well. He gets more and more observant by the day. When we have him at the table he will swivel his head around to see who is talking. He enjoys some books more than others (based on the illustrations I think) and he does a good job of paying attention when I read him books-but that's probably because I use the book to block his vision of anything else. He's rolling over with ease now, although he doesn't do it too often. He's giving us coos, cackles, and lots of smiles when he's happy, and he'll almost always return a smile. Tummy time has completely changed and is now an almost completely positive experience.
Tummy time is something which we could've done better at from the beginning. I want to say they recommend 15 minutes of tummy time per day once they're a few weeks old, but I don't remember exactly. Because babies should sleep on their backs, and that's how you almost always hold a newborn, it's important to get them on their stomachs to develop those muscles and reflexes. In N.'s case, he hated it. Totally hated it. At the beginning they can't hold up their head long enough to switch sides, so you use a blanket or pillow to support them. But he hated it, he'd look around for five seconds and start crying. Bit by bit he got better, as he was able to turn his head, then support himself. Well, as of a few days ago, N. loves tummy time. He can totally support himself using his arms, and can still stay up while he uses one arm to grab a toy and shake it about or move it around. He seems to enjoy this new perspective of looking at the world, and given some toys on his play-mat or a blanket, he'll chill for 15 or 20 minutes without needing too much help or care from us. It has been cool to see him stay calm in what used to be torture. And yes, never once did I think I'd be writing about tummy time. I hadn't even heard of it until after N. was born.
Even more exciting is that N. is eating food! At the four month check-up the doctor said we could get started with baby food whenever we wanted, as he was already doing a fairly good job of supporting his head. So we started about two weeks ago, and the first few days were pretty messy, but he's really getting the hang of it. According to the doctor, their stomachs are still small and just getting used to all these new foods, so there's very little caloric or nutritional value in the food. It's just to get them used to eating from a spoon and to the tastes. We started N. on carrots, and then, in order, peas, bananas, green beans, sweet potatoes, and apples. Yesterday and today he's eating squash. I did a tiny bit of reading about what to start them with, and it is not essential to start with the traditional rice cereal, and even recommended to start with vegetables then fruits, so they'll get used to and hopefully like those flavors (plus rice cereal has lots of sugar-so you don't want them getting too used to that). We were lucky, as he really took to eating from a spoon, and does a pretty good job of keeping the food inside his mouth.
It really is fun and interesting to watch as his brain, eyes, and ears get better and better at recognizing sights and sounds. When you start to think about it, the world, or even just his grandparents' house in Iowa, has so, so many things to learn and identify and understand. That little brain of his has got to be turning a mile a minute. He's not crawling yet, so we haven't started chasing him around and worrying about everything he can grab. I'm sure my parents hope we're out of the house before that happens.
Tummy time is something which we could've done better at from the beginning. I want to say they recommend 15 minutes of tummy time per day once they're a few weeks old, but I don't remember exactly. Because babies should sleep on their backs, and that's how you almost always hold a newborn, it's important to get them on their stomachs to develop those muscles and reflexes. In N.'s case, he hated it. Totally hated it. At the beginning they can't hold up their head long enough to switch sides, so you use a blanket or pillow to support them. But he hated it, he'd look around for five seconds and start crying. Bit by bit he got better, as he was able to turn his head, then support himself. Well, as of a few days ago, N. loves tummy time. He can totally support himself using his arms, and can still stay up while he uses one arm to grab a toy and shake it about or move it around. He seems to enjoy this new perspective of looking at the world, and given some toys on his play-mat or a blanket, he'll chill for 15 or 20 minutes without needing too much help or care from us. It has been cool to see him stay calm in what used to be torture. And yes, never once did I think I'd be writing about tummy time. I hadn't even heard of it until after N. was born.
Even more exciting is that N. is eating food! At the four month check-up the doctor said we could get started with baby food whenever we wanted, as he was already doing a fairly good job of supporting his head. So we started about two weeks ago, and the first few days were pretty messy, but he's really getting the hang of it. According to the doctor, their stomachs are still small and just getting used to all these new foods, so there's very little caloric or nutritional value in the food. It's just to get them used to eating from a spoon and to the tastes. We started N. on carrots, and then, in order, peas, bananas, green beans, sweet potatoes, and apples. Yesterday and today he's eating squash. I did a tiny bit of reading about what to start them with, and it is not essential to start with the traditional rice cereal, and even recommended to start with vegetables then fruits, so they'll get used to and hopefully like those flavors (plus rice cereal has lots of sugar-so you don't want them getting too used to that). We were lucky, as he really took to eating from a spoon, and does a pretty good job of keeping the food inside his mouth.
It really is fun and interesting to watch as his brain, eyes, and ears get better and better at recognizing sights and sounds. When you start to think about it, the world, or even just his grandparents' house in Iowa, has so, so many things to learn and identify and understand. That little brain of his has got to be turning a mile a minute. He's not crawling yet, so we haven't started chasing him around and worrying about everything he can grab. I'm sure my parents hope we're out of the house before that happens.
Thursday, April 20, 2017
Fatherhood, part 5
Well, N. has turned four months old and is well on his way to five. He is doing wonderfully, it's amazing how much fun it is to see him grow and make progress, bit by bit. Yesterday was his first day trying out baby food...things are happening. My last post just got me through the first three weeks of life, but N. is now 20 weeks old. Lots has happened.
One highlight is the smile. The books, blogs, articles, and friends were all totally right about this one. Just about when you are completely drained from the frequent wakings at night, the constant crying, and Livia was certainly emotionally and physically drained from the constant, fussy, unproductive feedings, he smiled. It is amazing. He's now started to chuckle a bit too, and one night last week when I was telling a story at the dinner table he really got into it and strung together a pretty hearty laugh. We've figured out how to kiss and tickle his belly to almost guarantee a laugh. It is so delightful. He's just so darn cute, and then you realize you can make him happy, it's a truly great feeling.
The sleeping troubles come and go, which is frustrating, and there are still some tense moments at two or three in the morning. What is very telling is that both of the baby/infant books I have, plus the few websites I've checked out review the many different sleep training methods/concepts. They may recommend one or two, but they make sure to review four or five different methods, and make a disclaimer that no method is clearly better than another. It's clear that there is no consensus about what makes babies wake up at night in their first few months of life. Nor is there consensus about the best way to get them to not keep waking up, nor about how to get them to back to sleep once they wake up. So we've been doing our best to talk it over, guess at what may be causing the problems and to agree on a strategy to get N. to stay asleep. There is close to consensus on the bedtime routine, and Livia has been doing a wonderful job at that since N. was six weeks old.
Diaper changes do get much easier and much less frequent, which has been a nice relief. He's down to about one dirty diaper per day, and is much more calm during most diaper changes. They are also less frequent, maybe five or six a day (which is half of what was happening the first two months). We still put the diaper rash cream on for most changes, but that has essentially ceased to exist. Livia has got N. into a loose routine, so in general a lot of things have calmed down. He is wonderful on walks, and as it's much nicer now we've been getting him out for walks pretty frequently. N. slept well for the past two nights, so that's probably a huge part of the reason I say things are calm. It really does dramatically affect everything when he does or doesn't sleep well.
One more thing I wanted to mention was that having N. is truly an extraordinary experience. I'm not going to lie, I was often the type of person who was not too enthused to have kids in the restaurants, stores, or other public venues. I was not afraid to complain about somebody's annoying, crying kids. That has totally changed, well, at least for N. Having your own kid totally changes the picture. I wish I could better explain it, and it's not like I don't get annoyed with his crying, but it's just different. I'm so excited for all the things he's going to do. It's so exciting just to see him grab a toy, or shake a rattle, or touch my face, or, honestly, do anything. He's so cute and innocent and defenseless, but yet gets so excited and full of smiles-just by seeing my face or hearing my voice. It is a lot of responsibility, no doubt, but it also kind of feels like Livia and I won an amazing prize-because he's ours, he's going to learn from us and (hopefully) look up to us. So the next time I see a kid throw a cup on the ground at a restaurant, I'll probably roll my eyes, but I'll also know that the parents might be just so, so excited, because that was the first time their daughter picked something up and threw it!
One highlight is the smile. The books, blogs, articles, and friends were all totally right about this one. Just about when you are completely drained from the frequent wakings at night, the constant crying, and Livia was certainly emotionally and physically drained from the constant, fussy, unproductive feedings, he smiled. It is amazing. He's now started to chuckle a bit too, and one night last week when I was telling a story at the dinner table he really got into it and strung together a pretty hearty laugh. We've figured out how to kiss and tickle his belly to almost guarantee a laugh. It is so delightful. He's just so darn cute, and then you realize you can make him happy, it's a truly great feeling.
The sleeping troubles come and go, which is frustrating, and there are still some tense moments at two or three in the morning. What is very telling is that both of the baby/infant books I have, plus the few websites I've checked out review the many different sleep training methods/concepts. They may recommend one or two, but they make sure to review four or five different methods, and make a disclaimer that no method is clearly better than another. It's clear that there is no consensus about what makes babies wake up at night in their first few months of life. Nor is there consensus about the best way to get them to not keep waking up, nor about how to get them to back to sleep once they wake up. So we've been doing our best to talk it over, guess at what may be causing the problems and to agree on a strategy to get N. to stay asleep. There is close to consensus on the bedtime routine, and Livia has been doing a wonderful job at that since N. was six weeks old.
Diaper changes do get much easier and much less frequent, which has been a nice relief. He's down to about one dirty diaper per day, and is much more calm during most diaper changes. They are also less frequent, maybe five or six a day (which is half of what was happening the first two months). We still put the diaper rash cream on for most changes, but that has essentially ceased to exist. Livia has got N. into a loose routine, so in general a lot of things have calmed down. He is wonderful on walks, and as it's much nicer now we've been getting him out for walks pretty frequently. N. slept well for the past two nights, so that's probably a huge part of the reason I say things are calm. It really does dramatically affect everything when he does or doesn't sleep well.
One more thing I wanted to mention was that having N. is truly an extraordinary experience. I'm not going to lie, I was often the type of person who was not too enthused to have kids in the restaurants, stores, or other public venues. I was not afraid to complain about somebody's annoying, crying kids. That has totally changed, well, at least for N. Having your own kid totally changes the picture. I wish I could better explain it, and it's not like I don't get annoyed with his crying, but it's just different. I'm so excited for all the things he's going to do. It's so exciting just to see him grab a toy, or shake a rattle, or touch my face, or, honestly, do anything. He's so cute and innocent and defenseless, but yet gets so excited and full of smiles-just by seeing my face or hearing my voice. It is a lot of responsibility, no doubt, but it also kind of feels like Livia and I won an amazing prize-because he's ours, he's going to learn from us and (hopefully) look up to us. So the next time I see a kid throw a cup on the ground at a restaurant, I'll probably roll my eyes, but I'll also know that the parents might be just so, so excited, because that was the first time their daughter picked something up and threw it!
Sunday, March 19, 2017
Fatherhood, part 4: the first three weeks
Rough. The first two weeks were rough. They were also amazing, especially because we were able to introduce N. to my sister and her husband and my brother and his wife, and all of us were together for Christmas. But, N. didn't seem to figure out how to eat for the first two weeks, and that was rough.
I've brought up a few times about how calves (baby cow version) can stand up minutes or hours after they're born. But human babies can do almost nothing when they are born. They are totally defenseless,which is actually quite cute. It seems crazy to me that babies don't even really know how to eat when they're born. They'll just suck on the end of the nipple and get like no milk, just totally chill. You have to force the breast into their mouth and guide them along as they try to eat.
All babies lose weight after they're born. Normally, breast milk doesn't come in for a day or two until after the baby is born, and sometimes longer. They suck out colostrum for the first day or two, then get going on the milk. They expect about 10% weight loss before checking out of the hospital (c-sections), and at ours said they keep babies there if they lose more than 12%. N. lost 11% or so. We went in for his first pediatric appointment the next day, he had lost another little bit of weight. Normally by day 4 or 5 they should be gaining more weight. So we set up a lactation appointment (we had already seen the specialist at the hospital). We went down a day or two later, and he was exactly where he had been-so no weight gain. So the lactation consultant gave us some suggestions and tips and set up another visit in about a week.
During this time N. is crying a lot, not producing the poop filled diapers that he should have been, and not sleeping more than 90 minutes straight at night. Let me say right now, I don't know how single moms do it. I don't know how moms who have to go back to work do it. Being a single mom must be so, so incredibly difficult. I can't imagine. It must be so hard for people to do this if they have to get up and go to work in the morning, we are truly blessed that we both had nothing to do but help N. and we had my parents to help cook, clean, etc. as well.
This was a super stressful time. Livia felt guilty and sad that N. wasn't gaining weight, even though she was doing every single thing that the breastfeeding articles and the lactation consultants said. I felt bad because I couldn't do anything about it, and when I'd make suggestions or try to think through it with Livia she'd often feel hurt or think I was disappointed in her. And N. was waking up screaming every 90 minutes to 2 hours all night. We seriously didn't know what to do. It was rough. Getting in a fight with the woman you love at 3 in the morning while she's holding a crying baby: they don't seem to show that in the commercials. But that was my reality.
We go back for the second consultation, he's 15 days old now, and should be back to birth weight. He was 7 lbs 3 oz when born, and he weighed in, again, at 6 lbs 6/7 oz. Pretty much the same as when he checked out of the hospital. The lactation lady gives us more strict, and very clear instructions. We ramp up his supplementary formula, and Livia is instructed to pump a fair amount-to get the milk flowing. He always does breast first, but then gets pumped milk and formula in the bottle. We went back 3 days before Christmas, and he'd gained like 3 ounces in 3 days; they said we were on the right track. It was a relief to not have to go back right after Christmas, or when my siblings and their spouses were here. Two weeks later he had passed his birth weight and was doing well. We stuck with the plan for probably another 3 weeks after that. He's been cute and healthy since. But, man did we spend a lot of time washing and sterilizing bottles those first six weeks.
Later the lactation consultant, and two pediatricians all agree that what likely happened was a vicious cycle. Initially, N. wasn't sucking very well-so he took very little milk. Livia's body was likely ready to produce a lot of milk, but as the demand from N. was low, it lowered its production. Because he wasn't getting much milk, he continued to not suck very well, or very long (he would stay latched on to the breast, but just do weak, cursory sucking). So her body wouldn't produce more milk. Getting a good electronic pump, and pumping often, sent the signal to Livia's body to produce more milk, thus giving N. more to suck on and helping him learn how to suck well. Now that I think about it, I was wrong: babies can cry, poop, and pee immediately upon birth, and with no teaching necessary. You'd think we'd evolved to eat too, I mean cows can WALK!
If possible, get the electronic pump. The day they instructed Livia to pump I went and got a hand pump. I wasn't just going to jump right into buying a $150-$200 electric breast pump. The hand pump was worthless. So it took a few days, but I found out our insurance would cover it and a pharmacy that sold breast pumps and was in-network, and it was day and night.
After Christmas we did feel a lot better, he started to fill out his clothes and get noticeably chubbier. A big relief for all of us. But the lack of weight gain really was the main emotion/stress driver for the first three weeks. We had a photo session when he was 12 or 13 days old, it went really well, the pictures were incredible. We got urinated a lot those first three weeks, eventually settling on a wash cloth over the penis strategy that works very well. So well that sometimes he'll urinate and we won't even notice-which usually means that the part the wash cloth didn't soak up has rolled down onto the changing pad or his onesie. But, still better than urine all over wherever you may be changing him and my hands, arms, face.
It was a crazy time. Not a lot of sleep, a lot of crying. We were honestly still in a bit of shock that he was here. Lots of stress. But lucky to have family helping us, and for me to be on paid leave. Very lucky.
I've brought up a few times about how calves (baby cow version) can stand up minutes or hours after they're born. But human babies can do almost nothing when they are born. They are totally defenseless,which is actually quite cute. It seems crazy to me that babies don't even really know how to eat when they're born. They'll just suck on the end of the nipple and get like no milk, just totally chill. You have to force the breast into their mouth and guide them along as they try to eat.
All babies lose weight after they're born. Normally, breast milk doesn't come in for a day or two until after the baby is born, and sometimes longer. They suck out colostrum for the first day or two, then get going on the milk. They expect about 10% weight loss before checking out of the hospital (c-sections), and at ours said they keep babies there if they lose more than 12%. N. lost 11% or so. We went in for his first pediatric appointment the next day, he had lost another little bit of weight. Normally by day 4 or 5 they should be gaining more weight. So we set up a lactation appointment (we had already seen the specialist at the hospital). We went down a day or two later, and he was exactly where he had been-so no weight gain. So the lactation consultant gave us some suggestions and tips and set up another visit in about a week.
During this time N. is crying a lot, not producing the poop filled diapers that he should have been, and not sleeping more than 90 minutes straight at night. Let me say right now, I don't know how single moms do it. I don't know how moms who have to go back to work do it. Being a single mom must be so, so incredibly difficult. I can't imagine. It must be so hard for people to do this if they have to get up and go to work in the morning, we are truly blessed that we both had nothing to do but help N. and we had my parents to help cook, clean, etc. as well.
This was a super stressful time. Livia felt guilty and sad that N. wasn't gaining weight, even though she was doing every single thing that the breastfeeding articles and the lactation consultants said. I felt bad because I couldn't do anything about it, and when I'd make suggestions or try to think through it with Livia she'd often feel hurt or think I was disappointed in her. And N. was waking up screaming every 90 minutes to 2 hours all night. We seriously didn't know what to do. It was rough. Getting in a fight with the woman you love at 3 in the morning while she's holding a crying baby: they don't seem to show that in the commercials. But that was my reality.
We go back for the second consultation, he's 15 days old now, and should be back to birth weight. He was 7 lbs 3 oz when born, and he weighed in, again, at 6 lbs 6/7 oz. Pretty much the same as when he checked out of the hospital. The lactation lady gives us more strict, and very clear instructions. We ramp up his supplementary formula, and Livia is instructed to pump a fair amount-to get the milk flowing. He always does breast first, but then gets pumped milk and formula in the bottle. We went back 3 days before Christmas, and he'd gained like 3 ounces in 3 days; they said we were on the right track. It was a relief to not have to go back right after Christmas, or when my siblings and their spouses were here. Two weeks later he had passed his birth weight and was doing well. We stuck with the plan for probably another 3 weeks after that. He's been cute and healthy since. But, man did we spend a lot of time washing and sterilizing bottles those first six weeks.
Later the lactation consultant, and two pediatricians all agree that what likely happened was a vicious cycle. Initially, N. wasn't sucking very well-so he took very little milk. Livia's body was likely ready to produce a lot of milk, but as the demand from N. was low, it lowered its production. Because he wasn't getting much milk, he continued to not suck very well, or very long (he would stay latched on to the breast, but just do weak, cursory sucking). So her body wouldn't produce more milk. Getting a good electronic pump, and pumping often, sent the signal to Livia's body to produce more milk, thus giving N. more to suck on and helping him learn how to suck well. Now that I think about it, I was wrong: babies can cry, poop, and pee immediately upon birth, and with no teaching necessary. You'd think we'd evolved to eat too, I mean cows can WALK!
If possible, get the electronic pump. The day they instructed Livia to pump I went and got a hand pump. I wasn't just going to jump right into buying a $150-$200 electric breast pump. The hand pump was worthless. So it took a few days, but I found out our insurance would cover it and a pharmacy that sold breast pumps and was in-network, and it was day and night.
After Christmas we did feel a lot better, he started to fill out his clothes and get noticeably chubbier. A big relief for all of us. But the lack of weight gain really was the main emotion/stress driver for the first three weeks. We had a photo session when he was 12 or 13 days old, it went really well, the pictures were incredible. We got urinated a lot those first three weeks, eventually settling on a wash cloth over the penis strategy that works very well. So well that sometimes he'll urinate and we won't even notice-which usually means that the part the wash cloth didn't soak up has rolled down onto the changing pad or his onesie. But, still better than urine all over wherever you may be changing him and my hands, arms, face.
It was a crazy time. Not a lot of sleep, a lot of crying. We were honestly still in a bit of shock that he was here. Lots of stress. But lucky to have family helping us, and for me to be on paid leave. Very lucky.
Wednesday, March 15, 2017
Fatherhood, part 3
N. was born on December 4th, 2016. It was amazing. Bewildering, a bit surreal, and totally awesome. Despite all the reading, and being right there for most of the pregnancy, it still is a bit crazy to me that a living being pops out of a woman. Seriously, I'm guessing it's something that men will really never understand. Livia found my statements about this kind of weird or odd, but I even commented to her that night that I had trouble believing that he was inside of her just hours before.
I don't like when people say you have to experience something to know what it's like. I know it's true, but I think it's a bit conceited, and inconsiderate of the many opportunities that so many people will never have. Yet obviously the birth of one's first child is one of those things. Because of the way things went, there were some big ups and downs.
One of the reasons that Livia and I decided to have N. in Iowa (or rather, the U.S.A.) was because she wanted to avoid a c-section. C-sections are super common in Latin America, including Ecuador. In Ecuador it is essentially the default way women give birth. It is certainly easier for hospital schedules and doctor's schedules-and they can bill the state health care system more. But, Livia was hoping to have a vaginal birth if possible. Additionally, episiotomies are much more common in Ecuador than in the States. While they seem to be fairly safe and not uncommon, it's not something you're exciting about having.
In the end, Livia had a c-section, after 14 hours of labor, so that did make the experience a bit difficult. She had worked so hard, and really had pushed incredibly well, for a long time, and then to have to have the surgery that you had been trying to avoid-which also makes it so you don't get to enjoy the first 30 minutes or so with your baby-that did play with our emotions. Especially because during the pushing phase, her adrenaline was going crazy, mine was too, I'm holding her legs, her arms, counting, cheering, so we are both super energized, pumped up. Then she gets wheeled down to the surgery prep, I just sat in this little waiting are, with the scrubs on, waiting for them to let me in to be there during the surgery. So, the adrenaline slowly goes away...but then when I heard N. cry and then popped up and walked to the tub where the nurse placed him at but 15 or 20 seconds old, it came back. I think I was mostly just thinking, "ok, here we go, time for a never-ending adventure." Once they told me he looked great and healthy, I was super happy. I took him over so Livia could get a look at him. She was still on the operating table with her arms strapped down, as of course they were still stitching her up. She was also really cold, I think the anesthesia plus her adrenaline/hormones all out of wack had her shivering.
And man, N. was little. Well, he was 7 pounds 3 ounces, and 19.5 inches long. So Just a shade smaller than the average baby. The thing is, though, all the images you see of babies in movies, commercials, videos, etc., are of babies at least three if not six months old. I didn't really know that until I commented about how tiny he was, and I think my mom or someone told me that. I think newborn diaper ads should have newborn babies on them, call me crazy. He was so small though, just absolutely tiny. I got over it quickly, but initially I did feel like I was going to break him. He was adorable though, lots of hair, big brown eyes, and he looked exactly like I did when I was a baby (that is apparently an evolutionary trait to help fathers identify children in less monogamous cultures).
So, in case I haven't told you yet, this is how it went. On Saturday, Livia was having frequent contractions, not exactly the 5-1-1 they tell you to wait for, but super close. So we headed out to the hospital with my mom. They hooked Livia up, and monitored her for about two hours, but she was not having frequent or strong enough contractions to warrant her staying, or for them to use the medicine they use to help the contractions along. So we headed home.
That night, at two in the morning Livia comes into the room, turns on the light and tells me to get up. I hate myself to say so, but I first said, "are you sure?" "might it just be like yesterday?" She then repeated that yes she was sure, and that she thought her water had broken. She had a plastic cup with some of the liquid in it. I quickly googled what water breaking and the liquid was like, it seemed to all match. So I got dressed, we grabbed the two hospital bags, and headed to the hospital. It's a fairly small hospital, with a small maternity section (12 rooms). Thus, perhaps the ER attendant doesn't get much action, because he was super excited, full of energy, and incredibly helpful when I pulled up and helped Livia out of the car. He got her in a wheelchair and up to the room in seconds.
My parents came by around 6:30 or 7:00 in the morning, and the labor progressed along. Livia walked around a lot, with the hopes that the baby would lower and that she'd dilate faster. She took maybe two naps, usually right after they added a bit more pain medicine to her IV. She received the drug that helps the contractions go faster, and things did proceed quickly after that. She tried all sorts of positions in the last hour or two before it was time to push. Initially, things looked great. She nor I can remember exactly how far and in how much time she progressed, but I think N. was about halfway out in less than 30 minutes of pushing. This is because I remember the doctor and nurse saying they both thought we'd have a baby in less than half an hour. And then he got stuck.
As they later explained, as he was coming down, his head was either already turned, or turned. So, instead of the center/top of his head coming through first, the side of his head was coming through the opening. This meant it was a much larger circumference trying to get through the pelvic opening. It didn't fit. Obviously they couldn't realize this at first, because just a tiny bit of hair is poking through (N. was born with a full head of dark brown hair). But, in the second hour of pushing, minimal progress was made. Because of the early good progress, the nurse was encouraging Livia to push harder and harder, as normally it requires those huge pushes to get the baby out. The doctor was very professional, possibly a bit too emotionless and detached, but looking back, I'm glad that he was. At one hour and forty five minutes of pushing, he said we could push for 15 more minutes, but if it didn't get to a certain level, we'd have to do a c-section. He said he doesn't like for women to push more than two hours. He also stated, which was helpful, that he isn't against the vacuum assistance or forceps assistance for birth, and that his daughter was born via the vacuum method, but that N. was not far enough out to do that. So Livia pushed, but he was stuck.
But, the surgery went great (well, it was an entire ordeal for them to give Livia the anesthesia because she was still having contractions and shivering. But, I was in the waiting area, so just heard the screams and cries. But, surgery was quick, no complications, Livia recovered considerably faster than usual, and we have a beautiful, healthy, relaxed, cute baby boy.
Advice for the man on birth day: completely support your wife. Don't even think about telling her how out of control she's acting, or that your skin is peeling off your neck because she's grabbed your shirt collar so hard. She said and did things that were completely unlike her, and I just let them slide (or did my best). By the next morning she was totally back to herself, and when I told her some of the things she said she just laughed and apologized. I think that's the most important thing, just do whatever she says. Having my parents there was super helpful, they could run and get food or something we'd left at the house. Also, having my mom in the room was a bit awkward at times, but overall really helpful. Because sometimes I needed to go to the restroom, or call my brother/sister, or get something to drink. So it was nice to have my mom there to talk with Livia and help her if she needed something. Having the bags packed in advance was nice. Also, at least at Iowa Methodist West, they don't tell your family that the baby was born, surgery went fine, etc. So we were both back in the room, in complete awe, just staring at and holding and kissing N. I called my brother and sister to let them know, Livia sent voice messages to her mom and sisters. At some point we wondered what my parents were doing, why they weren't in the room. So I sent my dad a message. They were five rooms away in the waiting room, but I guess the nurses aren't allowed to tell them anything (HIPPA probably) so all they said was "a baby was born." So, I guess get that figured out if it turns into a c-section. There may have been 20 more pieces of advice I would've given had I written this in December, but honestly, just do what your wife/partner says and don't make any comments and it'll go smoothly.
I don't like when people say you have to experience something to know what it's like. I know it's true, but I think it's a bit conceited, and inconsiderate of the many opportunities that so many people will never have. Yet obviously the birth of one's first child is one of those things. Because of the way things went, there were some big ups and downs.
One of the reasons that Livia and I decided to have N. in Iowa (or rather, the U.S.A.) was because she wanted to avoid a c-section. C-sections are super common in Latin America, including Ecuador. In Ecuador it is essentially the default way women give birth. It is certainly easier for hospital schedules and doctor's schedules-and they can bill the state health care system more. But, Livia was hoping to have a vaginal birth if possible. Additionally, episiotomies are much more common in Ecuador than in the States. While they seem to be fairly safe and not uncommon, it's not something you're exciting about having.
In the end, Livia had a c-section, after 14 hours of labor, so that did make the experience a bit difficult. She had worked so hard, and really had pushed incredibly well, for a long time, and then to have to have the surgery that you had been trying to avoid-which also makes it so you don't get to enjoy the first 30 minutes or so with your baby-that did play with our emotions. Especially because during the pushing phase, her adrenaline was going crazy, mine was too, I'm holding her legs, her arms, counting, cheering, so we are both super energized, pumped up. Then she gets wheeled down to the surgery prep, I just sat in this little waiting are, with the scrubs on, waiting for them to let me in to be there during the surgery. So, the adrenaline slowly goes away...but then when I heard N. cry and then popped up and walked to the tub where the nurse placed him at but 15 or 20 seconds old, it came back. I think I was mostly just thinking, "ok, here we go, time for a never-ending adventure." Once they told me he looked great and healthy, I was super happy. I took him over so Livia could get a look at him. She was still on the operating table with her arms strapped down, as of course they were still stitching her up. She was also really cold, I think the anesthesia plus her adrenaline/hormones all out of wack had her shivering.
And man, N. was little. Well, he was 7 pounds 3 ounces, and 19.5 inches long. So Just a shade smaller than the average baby. The thing is, though, all the images you see of babies in movies, commercials, videos, etc., are of babies at least three if not six months old. I didn't really know that until I commented about how tiny he was, and I think my mom or someone told me that. I think newborn diaper ads should have newborn babies on them, call me crazy. He was so small though, just absolutely tiny. I got over it quickly, but initially I did feel like I was going to break him. He was adorable though, lots of hair, big brown eyes, and he looked exactly like I did when I was a baby (that is apparently an evolutionary trait to help fathers identify children in less monogamous cultures).
So, in case I haven't told you yet, this is how it went. On Saturday, Livia was having frequent contractions, not exactly the 5-1-1 they tell you to wait for, but super close. So we headed out to the hospital with my mom. They hooked Livia up, and monitored her for about two hours, but she was not having frequent or strong enough contractions to warrant her staying, or for them to use the medicine they use to help the contractions along. So we headed home.
That night, at two in the morning Livia comes into the room, turns on the light and tells me to get up. I hate myself to say so, but I first said, "are you sure?" "might it just be like yesterday?" She then repeated that yes she was sure, and that she thought her water had broken. She had a plastic cup with some of the liquid in it. I quickly googled what water breaking and the liquid was like, it seemed to all match. So I got dressed, we grabbed the two hospital bags, and headed to the hospital. It's a fairly small hospital, with a small maternity section (12 rooms). Thus, perhaps the ER attendant doesn't get much action, because he was super excited, full of energy, and incredibly helpful when I pulled up and helped Livia out of the car. He got her in a wheelchair and up to the room in seconds.
My parents came by around 6:30 or 7:00 in the morning, and the labor progressed along. Livia walked around a lot, with the hopes that the baby would lower and that she'd dilate faster. She took maybe two naps, usually right after they added a bit more pain medicine to her IV. She received the drug that helps the contractions go faster, and things did proceed quickly after that. She tried all sorts of positions in the last hour or two before it was time to push. Initially, things looked great. She nor I can remember exactly how far and in how much time she progressed, but I think N. was about halfway out in less than 30 minutes of pushing. This is because I remember the doctor and nurse saying they both thought we'd have a baby in less than half an hour. And then he got stuck.
As they later explained, as he was coming down, his head was either already turned, or turned. So, instead of the center/top of his head coming through first, the side of his head was coming through the opening. This meant it was a much larger circumference trying to get through the pelvic opening. It didn't fit. Obviously they couldn't realize this at first, because just a tiny bit of hair is poking through (N. was born with a full head of dark brown hair). But, in the second hour of pushing, minimal progress was made. Because of the early good progress, the nurse was encouraging Livia to push harder and harder, as normally it requires those huge pushes to get the baby out. The doctor was very professional, possibly a bit too emotionless and detached, but looking back, I'm glad that he was. At one hour and forty five minutes of pushing, he said we could push for 15 more minutes, but if it didn't get to a certain level, we'd have to do a c-section. He said he doesn't like for women to push more than two hours. He also stated, which was helpful, that he isn't against the vacuum assistance or forceps assistance for birth, and that his daughter was born via the vacuum method, but that N. was not far enough out to do that. So Livia pushed, but he was stuck.
But, the surgery went great (well, it was an entire ordeal for them to give Livia the anesthesia because she was still having contractions and shivering. But, I was in the waiting area, so just heard the screams and cries. But, surgery was quick, no complications, Livia recovered considerably faster than usual, and we have a beautiful, healthy, relaxed, cute baby boy.
Advice for the man on birth day: completely support your wife. Don't even think about telling her how out of control she's acting, or that your skin is peeling off your neck because she's grabbed your shirt collar so hard. She said and did things that were completely unlike her, and I just let them slide (or did my best). By the next morning she was totally back to herself, and when I told her some of the things she said she just laughed and apologized. I think that's the most important thing, just do whatever she says. Having my parents there was super helpful, they could run and get food or something we'd left at the house. Also, having my mom in the room was a bit awkward at times, but overall really helpful. Because sometimes I needed to go to the restroom, or call my brother/sister, or get something to drink. So it was nice to have my mom there to talk with Livia and help her if she needed something. Having the bags packed in advance was nice. Also, at least at Iowa Methodist West, they don't tell your family that the baby was born, surgery went fine, etc. So we were both back in the room, in complete awe, just staring at and holding and kissing N. I called my brother and sister to let them know, Livia sent voice messages to her mom and sisters. At some point we wondered what my parents were doing, why they weren't in the room. So I sent my dad a message. They were five rooms away in the waiting room, but I guess the nurses aren't allowed to tell them anything (HIPPA probably) so all they said was "a baby was born." So, I guess get that figured out if it turns into a c-section. There may have been 20 more pieces of advice I would've given had I written this in December, but honestly, just do what your wife/partner says and don't make any comments and it'll go smoothly.
Saturday, March 11, 2017
Fatherhood, part 2
So I know that I'm cheating, because the whole concept of a weblog (or blog as you youngsters call it) is to log things...more or less as they happen. I'm sorry, but that just didn't happen. I'm trying in these first few posts to recount how I felt in the months leading up to my son's birth. I touched on my biggest worry in the previous post, so I'll move on to some other things I thought about.
Probably second on the list of mind occupiers was actually trying to calm myself down. A good friend of mine from Peace Corps shared with me the other day that he and his wife are expecting. He tends to worry and ponder quite a bit about things-he's a great thinker-so I tried to settle him down a bit. I asked Livia when they really needed to start getting ready and she said the last month, I tend to agree. I mean, up until month five or so, the biggest part of the job is encouraging your partner/wife to stay healthy, and being incredibly empathetic as she walks out of the bathroom (about every day) telling you she just threw up in the toilet. Well, for the first three months in our case. But, seriously, I spent a lot of time calming myself down mentally. Reading up on pregnancy and childbirth is very helpful. The Expectant Father (Brott, Ash) was the main source of my information and I'd highly recommend it. Livia used the babycenter app extensively, and it has lots of great stuff as well.
We did have a complicating factor in planning our marriage, which was mostly complicated because when you're in a position requiring a security clearance, you can't just marry a foreigner. There is a wait time (90 days) and some forms to file, interviews to be done. The wait time is the especially complicating factor (in the end we didn't wait the entire time-which is allowed-but it did delay announcing things for a while). Honestly though, planning and doing some of those things helped me feel like I was contributing and getting things done-which provided relief.
But really, for the guy, there isn't too much to do besides encourage, help, sympathize, listen, and provide/shop for your partner. So I tried to do all those things, and there was definitely a learning curve, I won't lie about that. Pretty much everything else you take care of the last month (or two). While Livia was up in Iowa and I was down in Ecuador (and Peru for a bit) my mom threw two baby showers for her, and my parents' friends lent us a pack'n'play, bassinet, and a baby rocker. A neighbor's daughter also gave Livia half a closet full of maternity clothes, as she'd given birth two months previous. I will admit, it's pretty nice that my parents (mom especially) have lived in the same place for 28 years and are involved in church, school, the neighborhood, and other organizations-people were incredibly generous. The baby showers got us almost all the clothes, blankets, burp clothes, and towels we needed until now. With all the generosity-and because we didn't outfit a room-N. hasn't cost too much-yet. We also received a bunch of stuff from some friends at the Consulate. I told my Peace Corps buddy if you have a good shower, and don't decide to redecorate-the baby won't cost you too much. As our plan was to spend six weeks in Des Moines, six back down in Guayaquil, then another month in the States, and then move to the Dominican Republic (didn't happen in the end), we really didn't know what sort of space we'd eventually have or what furniture the State Department would provide, we did not go all in on the chair/dresser/crib/bassinet purchases. While I can understand the excitement of outfitting a nursery, I tend to think it (like a lot of material consumption in American culture) is gratuitous.
When I was in Iowa with Livia for the week in October we got registries set up at buybuyBaby and Babies R Us, we toured the maternity ward and got her pre-registered at the hospital where our son was born, got the information and registered for some pre-birth classes at the hospital, and had a visit with the Ob-Gyn office and got all of Livia's medical paperwork from Ecuador translated and scanned and sent to them. So, yes, we took care of some things in month seven. But after that it's mostly eat right, exercise, take your vitamins, get the basics (clothes, towels, wash cloths, burp cloths, diapers, wipes, soap, ointment, pacifiers, sheets, blankets). But they have a list when you register, so we just used that plus whatever my mom said. And, the hospital we went to was amazing, and loaded up a goody bag when we left with pretty much everything we needed except clothes and blankets for the first week or so.
Mostly, I read somewhere, or someone told me, that, for the first six months you just have to feed them and clean their poop, so don't worry too much. While not wholly true, it's pretty close from a logistical perspective. That calmed me down a lot. Because about once a day, if not more, I thought to myself "holy shit we're having a kid." I mean it. I can't remember the date when it changed from 'Livia's pregnant' to 'we're having a kid' but towards the end there it was in my mind a lot. People at work would ask how I was doing and I'd respond "I'm having a kid in two months." Probably not what they were expecting, but that's how I was doing.
It was exciting. It was surreal. It was concerning. I was anxious. Some denial about how much it would change my/our life/lives. Livia is level-headed, relaxed, resilient. So she didn't add much worry or anxiety. Which was good. I was nervous too, but I don't think unreasonably so. We had a lot of change coming up in our lives, (marriage, then a son, then moving) so I think my emotions were understandable. Actually, with my contract not getting extended last month, add losing a job to that list, so Livia and I experienced four of the maybe ten or 12 biggest stressful events in life. Within six months. As I said, a lot of what I was doing mentally in the last three months or so was calming myself down.
A good friend in Guayaquil, and father of three, repeatedly told me it didn't matter if I was ready or not, because no one is ready. That's very true. There's a lot of value (A LOT) in learning about pregnancy so you can help your partner. I'm glad I read up on some of things I did about the first day/week/month of a baby's life. But, as for being a father, it sank in, when I held N. at two minutes old. That's when it sank in. When I stood over the tray as they cleaned him and checked this and that when he was but 30 or 40 seconds old. When I brought him over to Livia and said this is our son. She couldn't feel half her body, was shivering from the medicine, was still coming down from the adrenaline of two hours of pushing (his head got stuck in her pelvis because it came down at an angle-hence the unplanned c-section)-so that's why I brought him to her. That's when I thought: okay, let's go. Because then, it didn't matter if I was ready or not, he was there. I'd say for the last three to four months before he was born I was excited, I felt we were adequately prepared, I felt like we had good discussions about parenthood, we loved each other, and were ready to love our son. So maybe I thought that we were ready, but let me tell you, looking back on those first three weeks (heck looking back on today) we weren't ready. But, and this is probably on a Hallmark card, what mattered most was that we were committed to each other and to our little guy.
Probably second on the list of mind occupiers was actually trying to calm myself down. A good friend of mine from Peace Corps shared with me the other day that he and his wife are expecting. He tends to worry and ponder quite a bit about things-he's a great thinker-so I tried to settle him down a bit. I asked Livia when they really needed to start getting ready and she said the last month, I tend to agree. I mean, up until month five or so, the biggest part of the job is encouraging your partner/wife to stay healthy, and being incredibly empathetic as she walks out of the bathroom (about every day) telling you she just threw up in the toilet. Well, for the first three months in our case. But, seriously, I spent a lot of time calming myself down mentally. Reading up on pregnancy and childbirth is very helpful. The Expectant Father (Brott, Ash) was the main source of my information and I'd highly recommend it. Livia used the babycenter app extensively, and it has lots of great stuff as well.
We did have a complicating factor in planning our marriage, which was mostly complicated because when you're in a position requiring a security clearance, you can't just marry a foreigner. There is a wait time (90 days) and some forms to file, interviews to be done. The wait time is the especially complicating factor (in the end we didn't wait the entire time-which is allowed-but it did delay announcing things for a while). Honestly though, planning and doing some of those things helped me feel like I was contributing and getting things done-which provided relief.
But really, for the guy, there isn't too much to do besides encourage, help, sympathize, listen, and provide/shop for your partner. So I tried to do all those things, and there was definitely a learning curve, I won't lie about that. Pretty much everything else you take care of the last month (or two). While Livia was up in Iowa and I was down in Ecuador (and Peru for a bit) my mom threw two baby showers for her, and my parents' friends lent us a pack'n'play, bassinet, and a baby rocker. A neighbor's daughter also gave Livia half a closet full of maternity clothes, as she'd given birth two months previous. I will admit, it's pretty nice that my parents (mom especially) have lived in the same place for 28 years and are involved in church, school, the neighborhood, and other organizations-people were incredibly generous. The baby showers got us almost all the clothes, blankets, burp clothes, and towels we needed until now. With all the generosity-and because we didn't outfit a room-N. hasn't cost too much-yet. We also received a bunch of stuff from some friends at the Consulate. I told my Peace Corps buddy if you have a good shower, and don't decide to redecorate-the baby won't cost you too much. As our plan was to spend six weeks in Des Moines, six back down in Guayaquil, then another month in the States, and then move to the Dominican Republic (didn't happen in the end), we really didn't know what sort of space we'd eventually have or what furniture the State Department would provide, we did not go all in on the chair/dresser/crib/bassinet purchases. While I can understand the excitement of outfitting a nursery, I tend to think it (like a lot of material consumption in American culture) is gratuitous.
When I was in Iowa with Livia for the week in October we got registries set up at buybuyBaby and Babies R Us, we toured the maternity ward and got her pre-registered at the hospital where our son was born, got the information and registered for some pre-birth classes at the hospital, and had a visit with the Ob-Gyn office and got all of Livia's medical paperwork from Ecuador translated and scanned and sent to them. So, yes, we took care of some things in month seven. But after that it's mostly eat right, exercise, take your vitamins, get the basics (clothes, towels, wash cloths, burp cloths, diapers, wipes, soap, ointment, pacifiers, sheets, blankets). But they have a list when you register, so we just used that plus whatever my mom said. And, the hospital we went to was amazing, and loaded up a goody bag when we left with pretty much everything we needed except clothes and blankets for the first week or so.
Mostly, I read somewhere, or someone told me, that, for the first six months you just have to feed them and clean their poop, so don't worry too much. While not wholly true, it's pretty close from a logistical perspective. That calmed me down a lot. Because about once a day, if not more, I thought to myself "holy shit we're having a kid." I mean it. I can't remember the date when it changed from 'Livia's pregnant' to 'we're having a kid' but towards the end there it was in my mind a lot. People at work would ask how I was doing and I'd respond "I'm having a kid in two months." Probably not what they were expecting, but that's how I was doing.
It was exciting. It was surreal. It was concerning. I was anxious. Some denial about how much it would change my/our life/lives. Livia is level-headed, relaxed, resilient. So she didn't add much worry or anxiety. Which was good. I was nervous too, but I don't think unreasonably so. We had a lot of change coming up in our lives, (marriage, then a son, then moving) so I think my emotions were understandable. Actually, with my contract not getting extended last month, add losing a job to that list, so Livia and I experienced four of the maybe ten or 12 biggest stressful events in life. Within six months. As I said, a lot of what I was doing mentally in the last three months or so was calming myself down.
A good friend in Guayaquil, and father of three, repeatedly told me it didn't matter if I was ready or not, because no one is ready. That's very true. There's a lot of value (A LOT) in learning about pregnancy so you can help your partner. I'm glad I read up on some of things I did about the first day/week/month of a baby's life. But, as for being a father, it sank in, when I held N. at two minutes old. That's when it sank in. When I stood over the tray as they cleaned him and checked this and that when he was but 30 or 40 seconds old. When I brought him over to Livia and said this is our son. She couldn't feel half her body, was shivering from the medicine, was still coming down from the adrenaline of two hours of pushing (his head got stuck in her pelvis because it came down at an angle-hence the unplanned c-section)-so that's why I brought him to her. That's when I thought: okay, let's go. Because then, it didn't matter if I was ready or not, he was there. I'd say for the last three to four months before he was born I was excited, I felt we were adequately prepared, I felt like we had good discussions about parenthood, we loved each other, and were ready to love our son. So maybe I thought that we were ready, but let me tell you, looking back on those first three weeks (heck looking back on today) we weren't ready. But, and this is probably on a Hallmark card, what mattered most was that we were committed to each other and to our little guy.
Monday, March 6, 2017
Fatherhood, post 1
So, a while back, before N. was born, I promised to a few friends that I would get back to blogging. They were specifically hoping for some posts about being an expectant father and then about being a dad after my then expected son's birth. This promise wasn't kept until now, which is pretty typical of me: late. Part of the issue was that I wanted to get all of my blogs from Ecuador and other trips posted-as that was another promise I had made (and also failed to fulfill). So, I've just recently gotten a few blogs updated, a process which I started when back in the States for paternity leave, and will keep that going. I realized that I probably won't finish that anytime soon, so better to get my thoughts up here now. I regret not getting a post or two up before his birth, and then some more in the past three months.
I say this because just the other day I was searching for an email and had an interesting find. After text search didn't work, I did the advanced search on Gmail using the date function. I found what I was looking for, an email from back in 2007 when I was studying in Spain, but also started reading through other emails in the same two week period. Emails to fraternity brothers about things at the house, emails to my sister, to my now deceased grandmother, and emails to professors/administrators at TU. It was very revealing, quite humbling, and a bit weird to read through the emails and see how I wrote (spoke/thought) then. Surely in the future this post will be just as intriguing and possibly embarrassing as those were to me the other day. Which is part of the point of doing these type of blogs. Originally, my blog was set up to keep people updated on my experience living in China. I liked that it meant I wouldn't send a regular email or newsletter, that might leave someone out who was interested in what I was doing. After a bit, I realized that it was a great way for me to keep a log of my travels and experiences, and my impressions in the moment (or a few weeks afterward). I've never kept a journal, and writing for a public audience helps me think about how to present things in a (hopefully) interesting and thoughtful manner.
I don't know how long I'll keep this up, or on the Internet, but I think it's best to just use N. instead of my son's name, as this is a fully public blog.
I got lucky from the beginning. And we have been incredibly lucky in the past three months as well. The State Department prefers that its overseas employees have their kids in the USA. I think that's mostly because they are a back-up insurer for overseas employees (and spouses) for childbirth and related medical incidents. So, they'd rather have the kid born in a reliable and familiar healthcare system. Livia and I had agreed that she'd not work for the first two years or so, so she quit her job at six months. So, the strategy for me was to use as much paternity leave after the birth, and not too much beforehand. We also decided that her staying with my parents was way better than staying in a hotel near DC (State Department's preferred method). We opted for the birth in the States not so much to follow State Department recommendation, but because they pay a not insignificant per diem the whole time Livia would be in the States-and an additional 50% after the birth. So, we came up to Des Moines at the end of October, I stayed for a week, then left Livia with my parents, and went back down to Ecuador to work (and take a long planned vacation).
The baby was due between December 6-13 (Livia had various sonograms, thus a changing due date). The doctor in the States had decided to put December 13 on everything-I think it was the most recent sonogram, but two others had said December 6 and December 7. So I bought my ticket back for November 30. The doctor said there was only a five percent or less chance that the baby would be more than 10 days early. Well, N. was born on December 4th. Like I said, I got lucky from the beginning.
And we got really lucky that day too. The labor was long, painful, and in the end very frustrating for Livia, as she had an unplanned c-section after 14 hours of labor. That was an experience worth writing a few blog posts about. It was intense. But I say we got lucky because N. was born healthy. Totally healthy. He got 8 on his immediate APGAR, and 9 on the five minute APGAR. He had 10 fingers and 10 toes. He was normal weight and length. He passed his hearing test. He had a full head of hair. He looked like a normal, healthy baby because he was. I'd be lying if I said I didn't worry about that before his birth. Livia took great care of herself, ate healthy, stayed active, abstained from alcohol throughout her pregnancy. Well, maybe a glass of champagne here or there. But nonetheless, I thought about possible complications or congenital disorders a lot. I say congenital disorders because I don't like the term birth defect. Honestly, I didn't have a big problem with it until it became really real (for me at like seven months). But then I started to think about it, to imagine it, and you don't want to consider anything a defect. I say complications, because almost any congenital disorder would complicate things. It would've complicated our marriage, it would've complicated medical care/insurance, it would've complicated decisions we'll make in the future about where to live, how/where to educate our son.
Those of you that know me know that I run through all those different possibilities fairly quickly. I had no reason to worry. As I said, Livia took care of herself perfectly, she's at a healthy age to give birth, neither of our medical histories gave any flashing indicators of any congenital disorders. But, it was one of the things I thought about fairly often. Just thinking about how I would deal with various possibilities. When you choose to have a kid, you are, in a small way, choosing to accept and love whoever is born. That's risky. People may not want to admit it, but it's risky. It is a decision in life where we have very little control. With modern technology and medicine, we have control over SO many aspects of our lives. This isn't one of them. I thought about a lot of other things, mostly because they came up in my month by month becoming-a-dad book. I had always wanted to be a father, Livia a mother. We talked about all sorts of things, what he'd look like, act like, his personality, etc. I think of myself as a positive person, but I also know that I tend to consider all possible outcomes when analyzing a choice/situation, so maybe that's why I thought about this fairly often.
Despite the crying, the 2 am, 4 am, 6 am diaper changes, the crying, the milk not coming, the stress of the milk not coming, the crying, and who knows what else in the first few days, I felt lucky. I think the previous two paragraphs demonstrate why. When people asked how we were, how I was, how N. was, I think I almost always answered "Great, fortunate, doing really well." And it was true. Granted, Livia and I were having fights at two in the morning. Granted, I was at times infuriated with N. and then hated myself for being angry at a one-week old. Admittedly, I was having a hard time wrapping my head around how was this all going to work out. Yes, I brought Livia to tears more than once in those first two weeks. But, when I said we were fortunate, I meant it. He may have messed around with gaining weight for a bit, but he was otherwise about as healthy as a baby can be. Some of that is proper care, but a lot of it is plain old luck.
Friday, January 27, 2017
Consular Officer Ken
One of the things I've realized is that I never put a post up describing what it is exactly that I was doing in Guayaquil. During my two years there I worked in two sections at the Consulate, Non-Immigrant Visas and American Citizen Services. There are two other sections at the Consulate which I did not work in, Immigrant Visas and Fraud Prevention. I'll explain them quickly and get back to the work I did.
The path to an immigrant visa can be very long, as some types have long (like 20 years) wait periods to get the visa. But shortly, an American citizen or lawful permanent resident can petition for his relative to get an immigrant visa. (There are a few other immigrant visas for investors, certain workers, the diversity visa, and the special category-mostly for Afghans and Iraqis.) The American/LPR first files the paperwork and pays a fee in America. Once that paperwork is reviewed and is okay, then it's sent to the country where the relative lives. The relative has a medical exam and comes in for his interview, where his paperwork is also reviewed a second time. That's what the Immigrant Visa section does.
The fraud prevention section does what its name says. They check in on fake documents or do additional research on people whose story doesn't sound right. Additionally they work with local authorities to try to stop local fake visa/passport vendors or human trafficking rings. They also work with the Ecuadorian immigration authorities and the airlines to help them try to discover/recognize fake visas/passports.
I spent the majority of my time in Guayaquil in the non-immigrant visa section. There are 36 countries which are eligible for the visa waiver program, meaning they don't need a visa to visit the U.S.A. They do, however, have to fill out an online form and pay $14 every two years to keep it active. Every single other foreigner needs a visa to visit the United States. Almost everyone needs an in-person interview to obtain a visa. Kids under 14 and elderly people over 80, as well as people renewing the same type of visa do not need interviews. But the rest, which is a lot, need interviews. Some places in the world don't have that much demand, as it may not be common to travel to the U.S. or the cost to apply is prohibitively expensive. Or, in certain countries people are self selective and don't apply unless they're sure to be approved. But, in a place like Ecuador, where a lot of people have family in the U.S. and traveling to Disneyworld is a right of passage for most upper and middle-upper income families, lots of people apply.
The point of the interview is to make sure the person is qualified. There are three main tiers to qualification: you meet the requirements, you overcome the presumption of immigrant intent, and you don't have an ineligibility. For a visitor visa (the vast majority of visas) it's easy to qualify, for student, work, exchange visas there are a few more boxes to check. Most of the time if someone has an ineligibility that becomes apparent in the system, or hopefully during the interview. Those usually have to do with previously living in the U.S.A. unauthorized, committing a crime in the U.S.A., or something like that. The big issue, and the main focus of all the interviews I did (over 34,000) is the presumption of immigrant intent.
Immigration law, namely the Immigration and Nationality Act of 1952 and its amendments, presumes that everyone applying for a non-immigrant visa is actually trying to immigrate to the U.S. Thus, the applicant needs to demonstrate that he is not trying to immigrate, but just trying to visit the U.S. and then come back. That's mainly done by evaluating their situation in Ecuador, and whether they'd be willing to leave (to go and live and work/live in the States). Sometimes that's easy to do, but there are plenty of borderline cases. It costs $160 per person to apply for the visa, which does create a filter on bad applicants (or at least repeat bad applicants).
We interviewed from 7:45 to 12:30 or 12:45 on most days, often a bit shorter, sometimes longer. The State Department standard is 25 adjudications per hour, so a normal day was usually 110-140 adjudications. (We did non-interview renewals in the afternoon.) Because families interview together, 25 interviews aren't necessary to do 25 visa adjudications. We all loved to get families (and dreaded a long line of single people) because although a family of five might take longer, it won't take five times longer than a single person-so that's a good way to boost your numbers. During my time in Guayaquil there were days during crazy high demand that we (the section) interviewed over 1,000 applicants in a day. More normal (it varies a lot) was between 500-600 applicants a day.
It was super interesting. It can get repetitive, and can be draining if you have a lot of complicated cases, but I really enjoyed the work. It was a great opportunity to learn how to be polite and respectful while giving people bad news (refusals). Due to the volume, there are all sorts of statistics that can be drawn from tourist visas, and that was also very interesting to me.
When I switched to the American Citizen services section, the work was much more varied. It was also incredibly interesting. The main work is adjudicating passports and CRBAs. Passport interviews are necessary for people under 16, first time passports after turning 16, and a few other cases in which people don't qualify for adult renewals. For a first time passport, we are responsible for verifying citizenship-as the applicant doesn't have a passport to prove citizenship. We also do emergency passports, for people whose passports have been lost or stolen while they were visiting/living in Ecuador. A passport interview is sometimes done in two or three minutes, but usually takes five or six.
The Consular Report of Birth Abroad, or CRBA, is the document that an American parent obtains for his or her child born outside of the States, but who is a citizen at birth. Not all the children of Americans are children, it depends on which parent (if not both) is American, whether it's the father or the mother (yes the law is different) and whether the parents are married or not. There are different requirements depending on the aforementioned situation. In these cases, I was making the first official determination of citizenship, and this process does take longer. It's usually 10-15 minutes of document review before the interview, and then a 10-15 minute interview afterward. There were a few times the interview went longer, and a few cases I might've done in five minutes-but that's about the minimum due simply to the signatures required.
Additionally, work in ACS also involved visited incarcerated Americans and ensuring they were receiving adequate care and protection in jail/prison. This is stipulated by law, includes dual nationals, so there is a consistent population of prisoners to be visited. An important thing to note, which is very often misrepresented in the media is that the U.S. Government does not generally advocate for release of prisoners or get involved in their legal situation. There are likely exceptions, but the purpose of the visits is to ensure the incarcerated is being treated properly and is aware of the basics of the legal system in Ecuador. Occasionally, we would also visit certain Americans to verify their welfare, usually if family was concerned, or they were hospitalized and no family was around. We also provide a form certifying the death of an American in Ecuador and often considerable guidance to help deceased Americans' families deal with the logistics of death in a foreign country. I also did some outreach about voting from abroad for the 2016 general election. A few times I oversaw what are called repatriation loans, which is when a destitute and desperate American is abroad and wishes to return to the States-and can't pay for it. It's a lengthy process, and it is just a loan, it is legal debt and the recipient will not be issued a passport until it is paid.
Very interesting, and often challenging work. I was fortunate to have the opportunity to do the work I did, albeit on a limited contract.
The path to an immigrant visa can be very long, as some types have long (like 20 years) wait periods to get the visa. But shortly, an American citizen or lawful permanent resident can petition for his relative to get an immigrant visa. (There are a few other immigrant visas for investors, certain workers, the diversity visa, and the special category-mostly for Afghans and Iraqis.) The American/LPR first files the paperwork and pays a fee in America. Once that paperwork is reviewed and is okay, then it's sent to the country where the relative lives. The relative has a medical exam and comes in for his interview, where his paperwork is also reviewed a second time. That's what the Immigrant Visa section does.
The fraud prevention section does what its name says. They check in on fake documents or do additional research on people whose story doesn't sound right. Additionally they work with local authorities to try to stop local fake visa/passport vendors or human trafficking rings. They also work with the Ecuadorian immigration authorities and the airlines to help them try to discover/recognize fake visas/passports.
I spent the majority of my time in Guayaquil in the non-immigrant visa section. There are 36 countries which are eligible for the visa waiver program, meaning they don't need a visa to visit the U.S.A. They do, however, have to fill out an online form and pay $14 every two years to keep it active. Every single other foreigner needs a visa to visit the United States. Almost everyone needs an in-person interview to obtain a visa. Kids under 14 and elderly people over 80, as well as people renewing the same type of visa do not need interviews. But the rest, which is a lot, need interviews. Some places in the world don't have that much demand, as it may not be common to travel to the U.S. or the cost to apply is prohibitively expensive. Or, in certain countries people are self selective and don't apply unless they're sure to be approved. But, in a place like Ecuador, where a lot of people have family in the U.S. and traveling to Disneyworld is a right of passage for most upper and middle-upper income families, lots of people apply.
The point of the interview is to make sure the person is qualified. There are three main tiers to qualification: you meet the requirements, you overcome the presumption of immigrant intent, and you don't have an ineligibility. For a visitor visa (the vast majority of visas) it's easy to qualify, for student, work, exchange visas there are a few more boxes to check. Most of the time if someone has an ineligibility that becomes apparent in the system, or hopefully during the interview. Those usually have to do with previously living in the U.S.A. unauthorized, committing a crime in the U.S.A., or something like that. The big issue, and the main focus of all the interviews I did (over 34,000) is the presumption of immigrant intent.
Immigration law, namely the Immigration and Nationality Act of 1952 and its amendments, presumes that everyone applying for a non-immigrant visa is actually trying to immigrate to the U.S. Thus, the applicant needs to demonstrate that he is not trying to immigrate, but just trying to visit the U.S. and then come back. That's mainly done by evaluating their situation in Ecuador, and whether they'd be willing to leave (to go and live and work/live in the States). Sometimes that's easy to do, but there are plenty of borderline cases. It costs $160 per person to apply for the visa, which does create a filter on bad applicants (or at least repeat bad applicants).
We interviewed from 7:45 to 12:30 or 12:45 on most days, often a bit shorter, sometimes longer. The State Department standard is 25 adjudications per hour, so a normal day was usually 110-140 adjudications. (We did non-interview renewals in the afternoon.) Because families interview together, 25 interviews aren't necessary to do 25 visa adjudications. We all loved to get families (and dreaded a long line of single people) because although a family of five might take longer, it won't take five times longer than a single person-so that's a good way to boost your numbers. During my time in Guayaquil there were days during crazy high demand that we (the section) interviewed over 1,000 applicants in a day. More normal (it varies a lot) was between 500-600 applicants a day.
It was super interesting. It can get repetitive, and can be draining if you have a lot of complicated cases, but I really enjoyed the work. It was a great opportunity to learn how to be polite and respectful while giving people bad news (refusals). Due to the volume, there are all sorts of statistics that can be drawn from tourist visas, and that was also very interesting to me.
When I switched to the American Citizen services section, the work was much more varied. It was also incredibly interesting. The main work is adjudicating passports and CRBAs. Passport interviews are necessary for people under 16, first time passports after turning 16, and a few other cases in which people don't qualify for adult renewals. For a first time passport, we are responsible for verifying citizenship-as the applicant doesn't have a passport to prove citizenship. We also do emergency passports, for people whose passports have been lost or stolen while they were visiting/living in Ecuador. A passport interview is sometimes done in two or three minutes, but usually takes five or six.
The Consular Report of Birth Abroad, or CRBA, is the document that an American parent obtains for his or her child born outside of the States, but who is a citizen at birth. Not all the children of Americans are children, it depends on which parent (if not both) is American, whether it's the father or the mother (yes the law is different) and whether the parents are married or not. There are different requirements depending on the aforementioned situation. In these cases, I was making the first official determination of citizenship, and this process does take longer. It's usually 10-15 minutes of document review before the interview, and then a 10-15 minute interview afterward. There were a few times the interview went longer, and a few cases I might've done in five minutes-but that's about the minimum due simply to the signatures required.
Additionally, work in ACS also involved visited incarcerated Americans and ensuring they were receiving adequate care and protection in jail/prison. This is stipulated by law, includes dual nationals, so there is a consistent population of prisoners to be visited. An important thing to note, which is very often misrepresented in the media is that the U.S. Government does not generally advocate for release of prisoners or get involved in their legal situation. There are likely exceptions, but the purpose of the visits is to ensure the incarcerated is being treated properly and is aware of the basics of the legal system in Ecuador. Occasionally, we would also visit certain Americans to verify their welfare, usually if family was concerned, or they were hospitalized and no family was around. We also provide a form certifying the death of an American in Ecuador and often considerable guidance to help deceased Americans' families deal with the logistics of death in a foreign country. I also did some outreach about voting from abroad for the 2016 general election. A few times I oversaw what are called repatriation loans, which is when a destitute and desperate American is abroad and wishes to return to the States-and can't pay for it. It's a lengthy process, and it is just a loan, it is legal debt and the recipient will not be issued a passport until it is paid.
Very interesting, and often challenging work. I was fortunate to have the opportunity to do the work I did, albeit on a limited contract.
Thursday, November 5, 2015
Long weekend, long waits
For a long weekend in November, Livia and I planned a trip down to a popular beach town in Peru, she'd never been, and I'm always down to try a new place. There was one possible issue: license plates. As a diplomat, our license plates were issued through the Ministry of Foreign Affairs, instead of through the transit commission. Despite filing all the paperwork the minute my car arrived in country, the process often took a long time. There wasn't much consistency, some plates came quickly, some slowly. Mine had yet to arrive. So, I got a letter stating I was waiting on them for the plates, and made copies of the title and a few other forms and brought them along.
We arrived at the border control and it was a COMPLETE mess. The line wrapped all the way around the building, and we were hearing it was taking close to three hours to get through the process. It wasn't clear if we had to do immigration or the car first, so I went up to the car building and figured out what was going on there, and went back and talked with Livia. She graciously agreed to wait in the immigration line, while I went up to take care of the car paperwork. Between the signs and observing people go through the stations it seemed clear they were checking on a few things: that the car was registered, that the person it was registered to was driving it, and that the driver had paid for a $10 tourist car insurance required for any foreign car in Peru. This got me a bit worried, or rather, ready to do some negotiating. I had no problem buying the insurance, but my car wasn't registered and I had no proof of it being registered. I didn't even have the Florida tags that came with the car when I bought it.
Well, I was right to be worried. The Peruvian border/immigration official was incredibly nice, and showed understanding for my situation. She tried to help me out, calling her boss, who eventually called up an additional level, to the headquarters in Lima. But, alas, it was a Saturday, and the person in Lima who could approved the exception and give me permission to enter with a non-registered car was not coming in on a Saturday to do that. She did a great job explaining the law and why I didn't qualify. I was able to go back and let Livia know in between one her various phone calls that things weren't looking good. After it was clear that we weren't getting in by car, we considered leaving the car in some sort of secure parking lot in the border town, or in the border station parking lot, and grabbing the bus. (By now Livia was almost to the front of the immigration line.) But, ultimately, that didn't seem the most responsible decision, so we headed back to Machala, upset, ate a big meal at Chili's and drove back to Guayaquil. The next morning we headed towards the beach for a little coastal tour. We visited Montanita, Ayampe, and Puerto Cayo on the coast, with a stop in Puerto Lopez for seafood, and had a pretty good time soaking up the sun, relaxing in hammocks, and enjoying the warm ocean water.
We arrived at the border control and it was a COMPLETE mess. The line wrapped all the way around the building, and we were hearing it was taking close to three hours to get through the process. It wasn't clear if we had to do immigration or the car first, so I went up to the car building and figured out what was going on there, and went back and talked with Livia. She graciously agreed to wait in the immigration line, while I went up to take care of the car paperwork. Between the signs and observing people go through the stations it seemed clear they were checking on a few things: that the car was registered, that the person it was registered to was driving it, and that the driver had paid for a $10 tourist car insurance required for any foreign car in Peru. This got me a bit worried, or rather, ready to do some negotiating. I had no problem buying the insurance, but my car wasn't registered and I had no proof of it being registered. I didn't even have the Florida tags that came with the car when I bought it.
Well, I was right to be worried. The Peruvian border/immigration official was incredibly nice, and showed understanding for my situation. She tried to help me out, calling her boss, who eventually called up an additional level, to the headquarters in Lima. But, alas, it was a Saturday, and the person in Lima who could approved the exception and give me permission to enter with a non-registered car was not coming in on a Saturday to do that. She did a great job explaining the law and why I didn't qualify. I was able to go back and let Livia know in between one her various phone calls that things weren't looking good. After it was clear that we weren't getting in by car, we considered leaving the car in some sort of secure parking lot in the border town, or in the border station parking lot, and grabbing the bus. (By now Livia was almost to the front of the immigration line.) But, ultimately, that didn't seem the most responsible decision, so we headed back to Machala, upset, ate a big meal at Chili's and drove back to Guayaquil. The next morning we headed towards the beach for a little coastal tour. We visited Montanita, Ayampe, and Puerto Cayo on the coast, with a stop in Puerto Lopez for seafood, and had a pretty good time soaking up the sun, relaxing in hammocks, and enjoying the warm ocean water.
Thursday, October 15, 2015
Cuenca and Ingapirca
(Livia on top of the cathedral)
I never fell in love with Cuenca the way many expats do. The weather is all too often cool and misty, and the center of town is a bit crowded and dirty, and not in a charming way. It does have some amazing restaurants and some gorgeous churches. My opinion was always-Quito has just as amazing restaurants and more gorgeous churches, and Loja is a big enough city to have amenities, has better weather than Cuenca, but shares the nice, dry, clean mountain air and also boasts creative culture.
(at the lookout in Cajas National Park)
Livia and I had a good trip though, we visited the main cathedral and took the tour up to roof. We had a few good meals and enjoyed walking around the city. Took a day to visit a few spots in Cajas National Park, including the hike around a small lake, and up to the highest lookout along the road.
(above is the view of the main temple)
(up close of remains of main temple)
Saturday, October 10, 2015
The Devil's Nose
The next trip I took was a quick weekend getaway with Livia. I wanted to try out one of the often promoted Ecuadorian train rides. A long time ago, Ecuador had an extensive cargo and passenger rail system. The connection from Quito down to Guayaquil was a milestone in Ecuador's economic history. Much like in the USA, the passenger rail system fell out of use as cars became more numerous and accessible. Sadly, though, Ecuador almost their entire cargo rail system as well. They have re-purposed some of the routes though, with tourist trains. There is an extensive (and very expensive) week long trip that goes between many of the scenic stops. The closest route to Guayaquil goes through a bunch of banana fields, Livia had been on it before, and said it wasn't that cool. A well recommended route wasn't too far away, and went alongside the 'Devil's nose,' a mountain ridge.
So we packed up the Yaris and headed to Alausi, the small town with the train station. The train leaves at 8 am or 10 am, either way we knew we'd need to spend the night in order to make it. We almost didn't get there, as on the way the road led to a wide creek bed, with over a foot of water in some areas. I was sure this couldn't be the way, but we asked a few cars, they confirmed this was the "road" so we went through it. We arrived in town, checked into our hotel, and took a walk to see what was happening. Very little. We grabbed a subpar dinner at one of the few restaurants Alausi has to offer. We took another walk at night, and in doing so seemed to have visited more than half of the town. It has a nice park that runs in between the two main roads. It seems the thing to do is to drive one's car and blast music around this loop, all Saturday night. We did not participate.
It wasn't the most amazing weekend trip, but hey, I wanted to ride the train and I did!
(the view out of our hotel room window)
(you can see some of the tracks above)
So we packed up the Yaris and headed to Alausi, the small town with the train station. The train leaves at 8 am or 10 am, either way we knew we'd need to spend the night in order to make it. We almost didn't get there, as on the way the road led to a wide creek bed, with over a foot of water in some areas. I was sure this couldn't be the way, but we asked a few cars, they confirmed this was the "road" so we went through it. We arrived in town, checked into our hotel, and took a walk to see what was happening. Very little. We grabbed a subpar dinner at one of the few restaurants Alausi has to offer. We took another walk at night, and in doing so seemed to have visited more than half of the town. It has a nice park that runs in between the two main roads. It seems the thing to do is to drive one's car and blast music around this loop, all Saturday night. We did not participate.
(the famous Devil's Nose)
In the morning we rode the train. I guess when they put in the switchback climbing up this particular mountain, it was the most difficult set of switchbacks that were put in on the Quito-Guayaquil route. This section was one of the last completed due to the difficult terrain. The train ride was pretty nice, they have a person telling you the history of the track, which I really liked. There are some fairly impressive cliffs that the train climbs down via switchbacks. The views were gorgeous, as I've said before, the Andes is a truly spectacular mountain range. Alausi is well beyond the foothills, but not yet at the top of the range. It's at 7,600 feet, whereas a lot of the cities in Ecuadorian highlands have elevation between 8,000 and 9,500 feet. The downside of the trip was once you get to the end of the route, you are forced to spend like two hours at the base of the Devil's nose. They've built a small museum, but even if you read every exhibit, that takes but 15 minutes. They hope you spend the rest of your time in the numerous cafes and gift shops that are there. We relented, got some drinks and snacks, and mostly talked about how we needed a max of 30 minutes to see the "sights."
Tuesday, September 15, 2015
The Bahamas
In September, for Labor Day weekend (and my birthday) I decided to meet up with my buddy Dave. He was in DC for training, having finished his first tour with the State Department in China and was learning Estonian to head there next. The midpoint between DC and Guayaquil is more or less Miami, but I'd been there and Dave was looking to go to a country he'd never been to before. We did some searching, comparing flight possibilities, costs, etc and decided on the Bahamas. So we booked the Airbnb and flights.
(this is the view from the beach at the edge of the complex we stayed in)
The trip was amazing. We stayed in a very nice Airbnb house in Nassau, on Cable Beach. You could walk 50 yards to a small little strip of beach, only accessible from the complex the house was in. The waves were calm, the water warm, it was a great place for Dave and I to catch up. Mostly I was glad to finally chat with him all about consular work, the job which I had done for six months, and he had for two years in Shenyang, China. It was great bouncing ideas off of Dave, getting his advice, and thinking of a million solutions we had to the problems we saw in consular affairs, albeit knowing the bureaucracy and risk aversion of the State Department would ensure none of them came to fruition.
We took the ferry to Paradise Island, chilled on the big, nice, public beach there. The ferry was fun too, as the driver pointed out which humongous house was owned by which celebrity. We enjoyed tropical drinks out of a coconut. The sand really is white and the water aqua blue. We also hit up the art museum and a rum distillery, which was a very pleasant time. We had pretty good meals, had a dinner out with the British banker from whom we rented the Airbnb. It was a great trip, there's a reason that so many people visit the Bahamas-truly gorgeous, and a well run tourist sector. A very relaxing and enjoyable trip.
Wednesday, August 19, 2015
More pics from the road trip
Here are a few more pictures from the road trip, see the previous two blog posts for the trip re-cap. If you ever find yourself wondering where to go on your next vacation, do consider Ecuador, it really does have a lot of things to see and do-none too far from the next, and their official currency is the U.S. dollar.
(looking down an alley in Quito)
(alpaca wool blankets for sale in Otovalo)
(entrance to Cotopaxi National Park)
(on the way down from the Cotopaxi refuge)
(the view from our lodge in the park)
(view of Laguna de Quilotoa from the top of the trail)
(another view of an Isla de la Plata shore)
(blue footed boobies prancing)
(humpback whale fin)
(humpback whale starting its flip)
Wednesday, August 12, 2015
Ecuador road trip (part two)
The next part of the road trip was the long trip down the Andes, through central Ecuador (corn, wheat, banana farms) to the coast. Our next stop was Puerto Lopez, a fishing town on the central/southern coast. Puerto Lopez has since become one of my favorite places in Ecuador, it has amazing seafood, a fun atmosphere, a couple nice hotels/lodges, and is the access point for Isla de la Plata. After we got settled at the hostel, we went walking through town looking for dinner. We were handed a flier for what would be a called a pop-up restaurant, because it wasn't there the next day. It was open-air, tables, chairs, and not much else-except absolutely delicious seafood, which was definitely fresh caught.
The next day we took the boat to Isla de la Plata, an uninhabited island about an hour off the Ecuadorian coast. As it has blue-footed boobies and frigate birds, and a somewhat similar landscape as some of the Galapagos islands, it's often called a poor-man's Galapagos. It was amazing. You hike around the island with a guide, checking out the birds, getting incredibly close to the blue-footed boobies, which really are too cute. Then you hop back in the boat, and pop over to another side of the island and snorkel. There are a lot of gorgeous tropical fish, and the water is delightfully warm. Not too mention all the soaring and diving birds that are constantly coming to and from the island.
A huge highlight awaited us on the way back, as we were there during whale-watching season. We were lucky enough to see a few humpback whales jump and flip, wave their fins, swim alongside the boat, and flap their tails. It was my first whale-watching experience and I was mesmerized. Truly marvelous. My only excuse for not having better video of the whales is that I did not and do not have an SLR camera, the boat was shaky, and there were lots of people competing for space to capture pics/videos of the whales.
After Puerto Lopez, we drove back to Guayaquil, visited some of the downtown sites, the four of them got caught up with emails/posting pics/etc at my house, and then it was off to the airport for them to head to Colombia for more vacation. It was back to work for me. I really enjoyed the road trip, hit up a few places that I had been wanting to see, and enjoyed getting to see lots of the country. Very few of my colleagues ever covered as much ground by car as I did just in that trip, and I think it helped me gain some appreciation for some of the regions around Quito, around Guayaquil, and in between.
(the action is at the end of this 24 second video)
Thursday, August 6, 2015
Ecuador road trip
So the real highlight of July was going back to the States to be the best man in my younger brother's wedding. It was an absolute delight, and a real honor. It was also a great chance to spend more time with my sister's husband, who, because they live in England, I hadn't spent time with-aside from their wedding weekend. We toured around Minneapolis for a day or two before the wedding. But this blog isn't really for putting up pictures of my brother's wedding, he can do that elsewhere.
The second highlight of July was during the last week. I took off the week, and went on a road trip with Alex and Keerti, two friends from DC, and Kim (Keerti's friend) and Kat (Kim's friend). Seriously, a few people hadn't met each other before we all piled into a rented Kia Sportage in Guayaquil. Alex and I worked together at the Bureau of Labor Statistics, and I knew he and Keerti pretty well, as we hung out a bunch when I was in DC. I had met Kim once or twice when I was out with Alex and Keerti. Alex and Keerti had recently quit their jobs and were headed to grad school, and were spending some of the gap with a trip to Peru, Ecuador, and Colombia. Kat was also headed to grad school, and Kim just taking some vacation. They all coordinated trips, and we hit the road.
Alex and Keerti came in a day earlier, so we hit up a soccer game and got some typical Ecuadorian fare, before picking up Kim and Kat at the airport. Meeting up in Guayaquil made the car rental easier and cheaper, and meant they could leave stuff at my house, connect to good wi-fi, get some things done online (not just Facebook-they had grad school registration type stuff). It also meant the trip started off with the eight hour drive through fog, mist, rain, and mountain curves to Quito. Not the most popular part of the trip. Alex and Keerti had come from Peru, so they were a bit less shocked at the driving styles in Ecuador than Kim and Kat. We made it there safely, and had a great time in Quito. I once again learned that we probably should've paid $8 more per person per night and stayed closer to the historic city center, but instead we got some walking in. The historic churches in Quito are gorgeous, and thanks to Magus, a friend from the Embassy, we hit up some great restaurants with spectacular views.
Our next stop was Otovalo, which is often touted as a must see town for its craft and woven goods market. I was less than impressed. The market was extensive, but didn't seem to have much different stuff than what you can find at the handicraft market in Guayaquil. It was much larger, but mostly just because there is a lot of the same thing. The town itself was kind of dirty, run-down, and had little if any charm. But we were just there for a bit, so that was good. We did stop at a nice restaurant on a large lake near Otovalo on our way out of town.
We then zipped along the highway to Cotopaxi National Park, a truly beautiful and awe inspiring part of Ecuador. Cotopaxi is Ecuador's second highest peak, and it's highest volcano at 19,347. We drove into the park, and enjoyed the amazing scenery and views, getting out a few times to climb some small hills, or sit in the rocks and gaze around at the flowers and boulders and interesting landscapes left by lava flows. We drove up towards the trail to the lodge, and it kept getting colder and colder and windier and windier. Keerti, Kim, and Kat decided to stay in the car, while Alex and I headed up the short trail to the lodge. Hiking all the way up to the top is popular, but most be done at night due to the moving glaciers, so there is a lodge at the beginning of the trail that has bare bones bunks, bathrooms, and a small cafeteria. I was not at all prepared for the cold or the terrain, I had on boat shoes. But I layered all the clothes I had, Alex did the same, and we braved the cold, the sharp wind, and frequent freezing rain/snow, and hiked up to the lodge. It wasn't far, but probably took us 45 minutes or more. We looked a bit foolish, as most other people were in full winter hiking gear. But, man, that soup at the top was delicious.
Another unpopular and a bit worrisome event occurred on the next leg of the trip. We were just to drive around to the other side of the national park, to stay at a lodge recommended by a colleague in Quito. I had a map from the lodge's website, and it looked like we just had maybe 30 or 40 kilometers to go after pulling off the main highway. Like an idiot, I figured we could do than in no more than 45 minutes. I was wrong. Way wrong. After passing through two towns, and seeing lots of signs letting us know we were on the right way, it became clear it would be a long 40 kilometers. This was not a paved road, not a gravel road, not even what I'd call a dirt road. This was a very, very poor attempt at a cobblestone road. But rather, was like driving through a dry riverbed, or so I imagine.
So, instead of 45 minutes I think it took us close to three hours. About every time we'd give up and be sure we were lost, we'd see a sign for all the Cotopaxi lodges and keep going. Luckily, we ended up at the right place, and as we had a reservation, the two person staff was still up to make us a very late dinner. We enjoyed the tranquility and incredibly clear sky to do some star gazing before we hit the hay in our wood-heated cabins. The outrageously beautiful views in the morning were worth the long drive.
Our next stop on the trip was Laguna de Quilotoa, which is a big crater lake southwest of Quito. We made our way there on the winding roads that were often way too close to the dramatic Andean cliffs for comfort. But, we didn't tumble down the side of the mountain, and we were soon in the tiny town next to the lake. Despite tourism being about the only thing going on in town, and staying at the place recommended by the guidebook, that didn't mean the hotel had figured out how to heat rooms with wooden stoves and keep the smoke out of the hotel. But, it was just one night. The next day we hiked around the top of the crater a bit, then made the hike down to the bottom of the lake, checked out the views, Alex, Keerti, and I hiked back up-quickly, as Alex wanted to beat the estimated time in the book (we did so handily). Kat and Kim took the donkeys up-as they didn't feel like getting tired-it is vacation.
The second highlight of July was during the last week. I took off the week, and went on a road trip with Alex and Keerti, two friends from DC, and Kim (Keerti's friend) and Kat (Kim's friend). Seriously, a few people hadn't met each other before we all piled into a rented Kia Sportage in Guayaquil. Alex and I worked together at the Bureau of Labor Statistics, and I knew he and Keerti pretty well, as we hung out a bunch when I was in DC. I had met Kim once or twice when I was out with Alex and Keerti. Alex and Keerti had recently quit their jobs and were headed to grad school, and were spending some of the gap with a trip to Peru, Ecuador, and Colombia. Kat was also headed to grad school, and Kim just taking some vacation. They all coordinated trips, and we hit the road.
Alex and Keerti came in a day earlier, so we hit up a soccer game and got some typical Ecuadorian fare, before picking up Kim and Kat at the airport. Meeting up in Guayaquil made the car rental easier and cheaper, and meant they could leave stuff at my house, connect to good wi-fi, get some things done online (not just Facebook-they had grad school registration type stuff). It also meant the trip started off with the eight hour drive through fog, mist, rain, and mountain curves to Quito. Not the most popular part of the trip. Alex and Keerti had come from Peru, so they were a bit less shocked at the driving styles in Ecuador than Kim and Kat. We made it there safely, and had a great time in Quito. I once again learned that we probably should've paid $8 more per person per night and stayed closer to the historic city center, but instead we got some walking in. The historic churches in Quito are gorgeous, and thanks to Magus, a friend from the Embassy, we hit up some great restaurants with spectacular views.
Our next stop was Otovalo, which is often touted as a must see town for its craft and woven goods market. I was less than impressed. The market was extensive, but didn't seem to have much different stuff than what you can find at the handicraft market in Guayaquil. It was much larger, but mostly just because there is a lot of the same thing. The town itself was kind of dirty, run-down, and had little if any charm. But we were just there for a bit, so that was good. We did stop at a nice restaurant on a large lake near Otovalo on our way out of town.
We then zipped along the highway to Cotopaxi National Park, a truly beautiful and awe inspiring part of Ecuador. Cotopaxi is Ecuador's second highest peak, and it's highest volcano at 19,347. We drove into the park, and enjoyed the amazing scenery and views, getting out a few times to climb some small hills, or sit in the rocks and gaze around at the flowers and boulders and interesting landscapes left by lava flows. We drove up towards the trail to the lodge, and it kept getting colder and colder and windier and windier. Keerti, Kim, and Kat decided to stay in the car, while Alex and I headed up the short trail to the lodge. Hiking all the way up to the top is popular, but most be done at night due to the moving glaciers, so there is a lodge at the beginning of the trail that has bare bones bunks, bathrooms, and a small cafeteria. I was not at all prepared for the cold or the terrain, I had on boat shoes. But I layered all the clothes I had, Alex did the same, and we braved the cold, the sharp wind, and frequent freezing rain/snow, and hiked up to the lodge. It wasn't far, but probably took us 45 minutes or more. We looked a bit foolish, as most other people were in full winter hiking gear. But, man, that soup at the top was delicious.
Another unpopular and a bit worrisome event occurred on the next leg of the trip. We were just to drive around to the other side of the national park, to stay at a lodge recommended by a colleague in Quito. I had a map from the lodge's website, and it looked like we just had maybe 30 or 40 kilometers to go after pulling off the main highway. Like an idiot, I figured we could do than in no more than 45 minutes. I was wrong. Way wrong. After passing through two towns, and seeing lots of signs letting us know we were on the right way, it became clear it would be a long 40 kilometers. This was not a paved road, not a gravel road, not even what I'd call a dirt road. This was a very, very poor attempt at a cobblestone road. But rather, was like driving through a dry riverbed, or so I imagine.
So, instead of 45 minutes I think it took us close to three hours. About every time we'd give up and be sure we were lost, we'd see a sign for all the Cotopaxi lodges and keep going. Luckily, we ended up at the right place, and as we had a reservation, the two person staff was still up to make us a very late dinner. We enjoyed the tranquility and incredibly clear sky to do some star gazing before we hit the hay in our wood-heated cabins. The outrageously beautiful views in the morning were worth the long drive.
Our next stop on the trip was Laguna de Quilotoa, which is a big crater lake southwest of Quito. We made our way there on the winding roads that were often way too close to the dramatic Andean cliffs for comfort. But, we didn't tumble down the side of the mountain, and we were soon in the tiny town next to the lake. Despite tourism being about the only thing going on in town, and staying at the place recommended by the guidebook, that didn't mean the hotel had figured out how to heat rooms with wooden stoves and keep the smoke out of the hotel. But, it was just one night. The next day we hiked around the top of the crater a bit, then made the hike down to the bottom of the lake, checked out the views, Alex, Keerti, and I hiked back up-quickly, as Alex wanted to beat the estimated time in the book (we did so handily). Kat and Kim took the donkeys up-as they didn't feel like getting tired-it is vacation.
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