Rough. The first two weeks were rough. They were also amazing, especially because we were able to introduce N. to my sister and her husband and my brother and his wife, and all of us were together for Christmas. But, N. didn't seem to figure out how to eat for the first two weeks, and that was rough.
I've brought up a few times about how calves (baby cow version) can stand up minutes or hours after they're born. But human babies can do almost nothing when they are born. They are totally defenseless,which is actually quite cute. It seems crazy to me that babies don't even really know how to eat when they're born. They'll just suck on the end of the nipple and get like no milk, just totally chill. You have to force the breast into their mouth and guide them along as they try to eat.
All babies lose weight after they're born. Normally, breast milk doesn't come in for a day or two until after the baby is born, and sometimes longer. They suck out colostrum for the first day or two, then get going on the milk. They expect about 10% weight loss before checking out of the hospital (c-sections), and at ours said they keep babies there if they lose more than 12%. N. lost 11% or so. We went in for his first pediatric appointment the next day, he had lost another little bit of weight. Normally by day 4 or 5 they should be gaining more weight. So we set up a lactation appointment (we had already seen the specialist at the hospital). We went down a day or two later, and he was exactly where he had been-so no weight gain. So the lactation consultant gave us some suggestions and tips and set up another visit in about a week.
During this time N. is crying a lot, not producing the poop filled diapers that he should have been, and not sleeping more than 90 minutes straight at night. Let me say right now, I don't know how single moms do it. I don't know how moms who have to go back to work do it. Being a single mom must be so, so incredibly difficult. I can't imagine. It must be so hard for people to do this if they have to get up and go to work in the morning, we are truly blessed that we both had nothing to do but help N. and we had my parents to help cook, clean, etc. as well.
This was a super stressful time. Livia felt guilty and sad that N. wasn't gaining weight, even though she was doing every single thing that the breastfeeding articles and the lactation consultants said. I felt bad because I couldn't do anything about it, and when I'd make suggestions or try to think through it with Livia she'd often feel hurt or think I was disappointed in her. And N. was waking up screaming every 90 minutes to 2 hours all night. We seriously didn't know what to do. It was rough. Getting in a fight with the woman you love at 3 in the morning while she's holding a crying baby: they don't seem to show that in the commercials. But that was my reality.
We go back for the second consultation, he's 15 days old now, and should be back to birth weight. He was 7 lbs 3 oz when born, and he weighed in, again, at 6 lbs 6/7 oz. Pretty much the same as when he checked out of the hospital. The lactation lady gives us more strict, and very clear instructions. We ramp up his supplementary formula, and Livia is instructed to pump a fair amount-to get the milk flowing. He always does breast first, but then gets pumped milk and formula in the bottle. We went back 3 days before Christmas, and he'd gained like 3 ounces in 3 days; they said we were on the right track. It was a relief to not have to go back right after Christmas, or when my siblings and their spouses were here. Two weeks later he had passed his birth weight and was doing well. We stuck with the plan for probably another 3 weeks after that. He's been cute and healthy since. But, man did we spend a lot of time washing and sterilizing bottles those first six weeks.
Later the lactation consultant, and two pediatricians all agree that what likely happened was a vicious cycle. Initially, N. wasn't sucking very well-so he took very little milk. Livia's body was likely ready to produce a lot of milk, but as the demand from N. was low, it lowered its production. Because he wasn't getting much milk, he continued to not suck very well, or very long (he would stay latched on to the breast, but just do weak, cursory sucking). So her body wouldn't produce more milk. Getting a good electronic pump, and pumping often, sent the signal to Livia's body to produce more milk, thus giving N. more to suck on and helping him learn how to suck well. Now that I think about it, I was wrong: babies can cry, poop, and pee immediately upon birth, and with no teaching necessary. You'd think we'd evolved to eat too, I mean cows can WALK!
If possible, get the electronic pump. The day they instructed Livia to pump I went and got a hand pump. I wasn't just going to jump right into buying a $150-$200 electric breast pump. The hand pump was worthless. So it took a few days, but I found out our insurance would cover it and a pharmacy that sold breast pumps and was in-network, and it was day and night.
After Christmas we did feel a lot better, he started to fill out his clothes and get noticeably chubbier. A big relief for all of us. But the lack of weight gain really was the main emotion/stress driver for the first three weeks. We had a photo session when he was 12 or 13 days old, it went really well, the pictures were incredible. We got urinated a lot those first three weeks, eventually settling on a wash cloth over the penis strategy that works very well. So well that sometimes he'll urinate and we won't even notice-which usually means that the part the wash cloth didn't soak up has rolled down onto the changing pad or his onesie. But, still better than urine all over wherever you may be changing him and my hands, arms, face.
It was a crazy time. Not a lot of sleep, a lot of crying. We were honestly still in a bit of shock that he was here. Lots of stress. But lucky to have family helping us, and for me to be on paid leave. Very lucky.
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